The Saviour
by MissKatsa
Summary: A young Serena Cousland meets Alistair earlier in her life under terrible circumstances. A bond grows between them before they find themselves torn apart. When they meet again the circumstances are once again dire. Can they overcome their past in order to secure Ferelden's future? Alistair/f!Cousland. Rated M for language and mature themes
1. Rescue

Chapter One. Rescue

Hooves were beating the ground. Her fingers pulled her hair loose around her. The wind whipped her face. She felt free. Serena Cousland galloped through the woods on her white mare, Persephone. Serena delighted in the wind flowing through her long, jet-black hair after a long day of having it piled atop her head in an intricate design of braids. _Mother is going to kill me when she sees the state I'm in_, she thought, looking down at her ruined dress and wincing. The day had been spent meeting with the nobility of Ferelden in celebration of King Cailan's coronation and a beautiful dress had been provided for her. It was now virtually shredded by the branches of the trees.

In truth, it gave her some pleasure. Her seventeenth birthday had just passed and suddenly Serena was being paraded around every formal gathering in the grandest dresses, as her mother showed her off to all her possible noble suitors. Seeing one of them destroyed made the weight on her shoulders seem a little lighter. Riding Persephone was calming her after a stressful day.

Sighing, she slowed her pace slightly, enjoying the sights of the forest and attempting to forget her troubles. She was riding alongside the walls of the Denerim chantry, hoping to hear the sounds of the Templar's training. It seemed, however, that they were finished for today. She sighed in disappointment, gazing up at the Chantry's tall tower. She wondered then if the Templars really were as fearsome as everybody said. Surely not all of them were simply 'mage-hunters'. Serena became lost in her thoughts for a moment.

As it happened, this distraction was most unfortunate, for it was at this precise moment that Persephone reared back suddenly, throwing Serena from her saddle. She landed heavily, the wind knocked out of her. Pain was instantaneous. Darkness began to eat away at the edges of her vision and she blinked furiously trying to keep it at bay. If she passed out now in the middle of the woods, who knew what could happen to her.

Turning her head to look for Persephone, Serena nearly screamed. Three long arrows were protruding from her horse's body, marring her beautiful white hair with crimson blood. Forcing herself to her knees, Serena crawled to her mare's side, without the slightest clue of what she should do. Persephone was breathing, but rapidly losing blood. She felt panic begin to well up inside her.

"What's happened to you, my friend?" She sobbed, hands hovering over the wounds. It was then that she heard twigs snapping behind her. Whirling around, she whipped the concealed dagger from it's place on her thigh. She held it clumsily, still recovering from her fall. A tall man emerged from his behind a tree, his expression unreadable. He held a bow in his hands and had a quiver full of long arrows on his back. He was far older than Serena and his face looked worn from long years exposed to the harsh environment of Ferelden. He wore light leather armour which bore no crest.

Suddenly, his expression melted into one of despair. "Oh, Maker! I am so sorry, my dear girl." He began in a rush as he saw Persephone lying still behind Serena. "I have been hunting wild beasts in these woods for many days now. I did not realise anybody would be in here. Please, forgive me."

Serena hesitated. The man's words were sound enough, but his delivery rang false. There was something wrong here, but she couldn't place her finger on it. She kept her dagger raised high, pointed at the stranger. Truthfully, her skill in close combat was limited as she favoured a longbow, but even a child could not miss a single target coming straight for her. Serena believe herself safe, as long as she kept her dagger pointed at the man. Unfortunately, she was wrong.

The stranger's eyes flicked behind Serena as though looking at somebody. Too late, she realised her mistake. He was a distraction. Before she could turn, two large hands grabbed her from behind, one covering her mouth and muffling her scream, the other wrestling the dagger from her hand. Serena kicked and writhed, but a huge arm wrapped around her, squeezing her body in a cage of flesh. She bit down on the hand which covered her mouth, tasting blood, but still the hand remained firmly in place.

"Little bitch!" A deep voice spat behind her. "She bit me, Mikail!"

"Shut up, you idiot!" Mikail scolded. Serena's eyes widened he walked towards her, the heat in his eyes plain to see. "We need to be kind to our little lady here." He brushed a hand through Serena's hair, bringing a piece up to smell. The look on his face made her want to vomit.

"She must be rich." Remarked the man holding her. "She smells too good to be a commoner."

Mikail smiled an awful smile, looking into Serena's eyes. "Is that true, little lady? Is your daddy rich?" All Serena could do was stare daggers at him, attempting to put all her anger into that one look. "Maybe we should let her answer, Bron." Mikail continued.

The hand covering Serena's mouth lifted slightly and she spit in Mikail's face. Rather than getting angry, he simply wiped it away. "Well, little lady, you are feisty, aren't you?" He smiled, reaching out and running a hand up her thigh as Bron held her still. "That's good."

Realising his intent, Serena's mind went into panic as she shook her head and writhed, trying to kick her legs and loosen her arms. She tried with all her might, but could get nowhere. The fear began to overwhelm her. Mikail started to raise her skirts, running his hands up her legs as he did so. Serena opened her mouth and screamed.

* * *

The young Templar was staring up at the orange sky, watching the sun set over the Chantry walls. He was supposed to be out here tidying up after today's training as punishment for getting into another fight with the other recruits. Truthfully, the work was largely done when he arrived, so he decided to spend the rare free time admiring the Maker's most beautiful spectacle. The sun.

His moment of relaxation was broken when he heard sudden screaming. A young woman's screams by the sounds of it coming from over the wall to his left. Looking over to the Chantry doors, he doubted anybody else could hear it through the thick wood. Without any time to go get help, he quickly formulated a plan. Without a second thought, he rushed over to the training area, retrieving one of the blunted swords the Templars allowed them to practice with. It wasn't a brilliant option, but it was better than nothing. He also managed to gather a small wooden shield in his rush, before running to the east wall.

Conveniently, this was also the wall which he often scaled to go wandering into the forest at night. When all the other boys were asleep, this young recruit chose to seek a few minutes each night to himself, away from the Chantry walls. As such, he had found the perfect spots to place hands and feet in order to cross the wall quickly and quietly. He used the same footholds now, holding the sword and shield in one hand and climbing with the other.

What he saw when he landed on the other side shocked him. Two men seemed to be wrestling with something in their arms. He realised with a shock that it was a woman. A young woman with dark hair and a beautiful, albeit slightly tattered dress. One of the men was reaching under her skirts with one hand, using the other to fumble for his belt.

The young Templar needed no further information. He sprang into action, leaping forward he struck the huge man holding the girl over the head with his shield, throwing all his weight behind the blow. Templar training is vigorous and it payed off in this case, as the man crumpled to the ground. Rounding on the next one, who seemed to be in a sudden state of shock, he lunged towards the young lady's attacker, thrusting the sword as hard as he could into the man's chest. A difficult feat with a blunted sword, but he just about managed to strike a killing blow. The man crumpled to the ground.

Panting heavily, the young man turned to the terrified young woman and dropped his weapons. She had fallen to the ground with the huge brute who had been holding her and was frantically trying to disengage herself from his arms. _She's terrified_, the recruit though, _and with good reason. Maker knows what would have happened if I hadn't been out here_.

He kneeled down beside the girl very slowly, not wanting to frighten her. She looked up at him, her eyes shining with tears. It was then that the young man realised how beautiful she was. Her sapphire blue eyes stood out against her pale skin, contrasting her long, black hair which fell down her back in loose curls. He knew, now was not the time to notice the young woman's beauty, but the way she stared at him, he couldn't help it.

"Hello." He stated simply, not knowing what else to say. When she said nothing, he reached out very slowly. Carefully and gently, he wrapped his arms around her, trying to pull her free of the unconscious man's embrace. She flinched slightly at his touch, but allowed him to pick her up, all the while staring into his eyes. The young man felt his cheeks begin to grow hot.

"Are you alright?" He asked, standing with her still in his arms. There was a moment of silence in which he thought she wouldn't speak. Then she blinked, as though realising where she was.

"They...they were going to-" she swallowed, beginning to shiver. "You saved me."

He didn't know what to say, so he just nodded his head, placing her feet gently back down on the floor. As it turned out, this was the wrong thing to do. Shock and adrenaline had overwhelmed the young lady and the realisation of what had just happened seemed to finally dawn on her. As much as the young man would liked to have claimed that he caught her, the young lady did in fact collapse to the ground at his feet.

* * *

Serena did not know how much time had passed when she opened her eyes. For a second, she thought that she had dreamed the whole thing up, but the sight of her unfamiliar surroundings quickly convinced her otherwise. She was lying on an uncomfortable bed in a small room. Through a window to her right, she could see enough time had passed for the sky to darken and the moon to rise high in the sky. O_h, hell!_ she thought, _sod the dress, I really am going to be in trouble now_.

The door to the room opened suddenly, startling her. In walked an elderly woman in priestess's clothing and a man with a long staff. A mage, she guessed. The two approached Serena slowly, as you would a wounded animal.

"Ah, it seems you are awake." Said the old woman, in a very matter of fact tone. "I am the Grand Cleric of this Chantry. This," she said , pointing to the mage beside her, "is Tommen. He has seen to your health."

Serena could not think straight. She sat up and simply said the first thing that came to her head. "Where is the boy that saved me?"

"He is outside child. You may see him soon." The Grand Cleric replied briskly. Serena opened her mouth to reply, but the old woman carried on, "First, may I ask you some questions?"

Serena nodded, not feeling totally at ease. She needed to get back to her family. They would be worried sick and there was no point in making a fuss. The sooner she answered, the sooner she could return.

"Firstly, what is your name child?" The old woman tried to smile kindly, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I am Serena Elodie Jae Cousland, daughter of Bryce and Eleanor Cousland." Serena answered formally out of habit, having introduced herself to countless nobles of late. The Mage gasped. Obviously, he had not realised he was in the presence of the daughter of such a high-ranking noble. Serena had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. She hated that reaction. The Grand Cleric, on the other hand, simply nodded.

"Very well." She said simply. "Could you please explain to us what happened?"

Serena sighed, growing frustrated. "I was out riding my mare in the woods beside the chantry." Realisation suddenly dawned on her then. "Where is my mare? Where is Persephone? Is she alright?"

The look the two adults before her shared told her all she needed to know. She clapped a hand over her mouth, but refused to cry. What had happened was bad enough without any more tears being shed too. Swallowing hard, she continued her story.

"I was riding Persephone when she fell suddenly. She...she had been shot with arrows." Again, Serena took a moment to compose herself. "A man appeared, telling me it was an accident. By the time I realised he was lying it was too late. They grabbed me...I couldn't...they wanted to-" She couldn't help it, the tears were coming now. "I was so scared. But then, he saved me. Before they could do anything, he came out of nowhere and thank the Maker that he did. Then I blacked out."

Serena chose not to mention the brief conversation they had shared. For some reason, short as it was, it felt private to her. She stared into the Grand Cleric's eyes and waited.

"It seems that our young recruit is a hero." The old woman clapped her hands once. "I will allow you to rest. I will send a messenger into the city to find your family and inform them that you are well." With that, she turned and made for the door.

"Wait!" Serena called. "Can I meet the boy?"

"Ah yes, I almost forgot. " The old woman opened the door and had a brief, hushed conversation with somebody just outside. Finally, Serena heard her say, "You may enter now."

The boy entered. In the candle light, Serena could see him for the first time without fear hazing her vision. He looked to be about her age, but was exceedingly tall. His dark blonde hair matched his amber eyes, which stood out among strong features. He smiled sheepishly at her.

"Nice to meet you again. Under better circumstances it seems." He laughed awkwardly, not seeming to know what to say. "How are you feeling?"

"A little stiff, but it would have been far worse without you." She couldn't help the small shudder that rolled through her at those words. "Thank-you." There was silence for a moment then.

"Oh, damn!" He suddenly blurted, nearly making Serena laugh. "I was supposed to address you as Milady. The Grand Cleric said you are a Teyrn's daughter."

"You can call me Serena." She smiled, sitting up straighter. "You saved my life. I think we're past all that Milady nonsense. Besides, I never much cared for it anyway."

"As you wish, Serena." The boy laughed. "In that case, you can call me Alistair."

"Alistair." Serena repeated the name, deciding she liked it. It suited the boy who was her saviour. Reaching out, she took his hand to convey the seriousness with which she said her next words. "Well then, Alistair, let me say that I can never thank you enough for what you did tonight. I owe you my life."

"You don't owe me anything, Serena." Alistair smiled back sheepishly. Serena found herself enjoying this awkward boy's company. In that moment, she decided that he was wrong. She owed him everything and somehow she was going to show him.


	2. Deal

Chapter Two. Deal

"Please, father!" Serena begged, almost running in an attempt to keep up with the Teyrn. "I'm begging you."

"I said no and I meant it." Bryce Cousland replied, refusing to look into his daughter's eyes. He knew that if he did, it would make refusing her far more difficult. "You are a Lady and a Teyrn's daughter at that. You must behave as such."

"But I-" Serena began to protest, but was swiftly cut short as her father rounded on her.

"Enough!" He shouted, making her flinch. She was not expecting that. Her father rarely shouted. Appearing suddenly sorry for his actions, he took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have raised my voice, but I will not budge on this, Serena. It's dangerous and inappropriate. I've seen you hurt once, I won't see it again." With that, he turned and strode away, leaving Serena standing alone in the hallway.

She bit back the urge to scream like a petulant child. She had been arguing this with her father and brother for a week, but they wouldn't listen. Why couldn't they just understand? This was something that she needed to do. She felt tears of frustration welling in her eyes and blinked them back furiously. She refused to make herself the damsel in distress again. Seeing that there was no convincing her father, she began to make her way back to her room, kicking at the skirts of her ridiculous dress as she went. The corset was digging into her waist and the sheer weight of the thing did not help matters.

By the time she made it to her room, her anger had largely dissipated to be replaced by a feeling of complete helplessness. Nobody in her family's guard would help her if her father had forbidden it. Although Ser Gilmore was a good friend, he was out of the question, being far too loyal to the Teyrn. Her brother, Fergus, was on his side too, refusing outright. It began to dawn on her that she couldn't win in this situation and this only made her feel worse.

Wandering over to sit at the window, Serena sighed. Whilst in Denerim, the Cousland's, along with other high-ranking noble families, had been invited to stay in guest rooms within the royal palace. Although they had their own estate within the city, the Teyrn had accepted the invitation, no doubt seeing it as a good way to introduce Serena to court life. She knew that her father loved her and only wanted the best for her, but she couldn't help feeling that she should be allowed to make her own decisions. Everyone looked at her recently as though she were a delicate flower that needed sheltering. Nobody could seem to see that she wanted to be Serena. Just Serena, the same as she'd always been.

The bells of the Chantry ringing from the city's edge forced her out of her own head and back into the real world. She could see the tower standing tall in the distance and thought of the boy who had rescued her just beyond those walls. Alistair.

She caught herself smiling as she remembered his awkwardness and odd sense of humour. He had been so kind to her, constantly checking if she was alright. They had not gotten the chance to talk for long before her brother had come bursting in, having come as soon as he had gotten word. In his panic at seeing her bruised arms and face, he barely even noticed Alistair. Before Serena could say another word to him, Alistair had quietly excused himself and slipped away. She had not even gotten to say goodbye.

As she stared into the distance, a sudden idea dawned on her. _Alright, father_, she thought to herself, _you may not be willing to help me, but I think I know somebody might. _A new sense of determination washed over her. Her hands fumbled behind her back as she struggled to undo the corset. Her mother would not forgive her if she ruined another dress. Leaving it in a heap on the floor, she changed into a pair of leather trousers made for riding and a loose fitting white shirt. The latter belonged to her brother and was ill-fitting, but would do for her purposes today.

It was late evening and she had perhaps an hour before dinner would be served. _An hour will have to do,_ she thought. She left her hair up in the assortment of knots and braids, knowing that the her family would not take it well if she turned up to dinner with her hair hanging in a mess, full of twigs and leaves. Slipping a dagger into her waistband, she left her room quietly and hoped that nobody would notice her disappearance.

She borrowed, or rather stole, a longbow from the armoury, along with a quiver full of arrows. She moved on to the stables where she saddled her brother's horse, swallowing past the lump in her throat as she thought of Persephone. She had been so helpless then, but if Alistair agreed to help her, perhaps she wouldn't have to feel helpless again. A week on from the attack and she could still feel their hands all over her. Still smell their breath and hear their foul words. If this didn't work, she didn't know what she would do.

_It will be alright_, she told herself, mounting the huge brown horse. Without giving herself any more time to doubt her actions, she set out through the streets of Denerim and into the forest which haunted her nightmares.

* * *

Alistair was in trouble once again. He stood there miserably as the Revered Mother reprimanded him. According to her, he had started a fight with the other recruits for the third time this week. In all honesty, Alistair believed that fight was a strong word. Fight implies that it was two-sided. In actual fact, it was more of a beating. Although Alistair was a skilled fighter, ten-on-one does make fighting back a little difficult.

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?" The Revered Mother finally asked, having finished her tirade. Alistair didn't know what to say. He genuinely never instigated these fights. Most of the other boys had grown up in the Chantry all their lives and Alistair had always been the newcomer. An unwelcome outsider. As soon as they learned that he was the bastard that got sent to the Chantry simply because nobody else wanted him, they became cruel and aggressive. Alistair blamed the Templar training, thanking the Maker that he had known a life outside of this place.

"I am sorry, Your Holiness." Alistair replied, trying to ignore the blood running down his forehead towards his eye. "It will not happen again."

The elderly woman raised a single eyebrow. "I highly doubt that." She said, scathingly. "However, I think the usual punishment should suffice."

Alistair nodded quickly, knowing he'd gotten off lightly. He turned and made for the door. The Revered Mother expected him to go arrange and tidy the equipment by the east wall. It usually took him little time and in truth he enjoyed being outdoors. Ignoring the jibes of the other boys, he quickly made his way through the corridors to the outside training area, making a quick stop along the way to clean up all the blood and grime. Sighing, he began his work, trying not to think too hard about how miserable his life here could be sometimes.

After a short while, the work was done and he sat in the middle of the training area. For a moment he thought he could hear the sound of hooves nearby. He cocked his head, listening carefully, but the sound had stopped. He shook his head. _Now I'm hearing things. Perhaps the other recruits hurt my ears. Or maybe I'm just a little mad._ Alistair chuckled to himself, leaning back on his elbows. The sun was low in the sky now, reminding him of the night he met the Lady Serena.

"Alistair!" Whispered a familiar voice, as if on cue. He sat up quickly, looking around for the source. He saw nothing. After several moments of silence, he shook his head.

"Well, that settles it." He muttered to himself. "I am mad."

"You're not mad, you fool. I'm over here." Called the voice again, startling him. He stood up and moved slowly towards the source. It seemed to be coming from the east wall. The one which he often scaled to escape into the Denerim woods. The wall over which he had met a certain terrified young woman.

"Lady Serena?" Alistair asked slowly, placing a hand on the wall as though it would give him the answer. What in Maker's name was she doing here?

"I don't know about lady, but yes it's Serena." She replied, making Alistair chuckle slightly. "Care to come join me? I'm a little short to make it over the wall myself."

Smiling to himself, Alistair checked over his shoulder to make sure nobody from the Chantry was watching. They would be eating dinner now. He would not be missed.

"Give me a moment." He called, making short work of climbing the high wall. He landed on the other side, maintaining his balance as he absorbed the shock through his feet. Brushing himself down, he looked up to be greeted by two sparkling sapphire-blue eyes. He had to take a step back as he took in the young lady before him. If Alistair had thought her beautiful before, with fear and panic marring her features, it was nothing compared to what he saw now. Her black hair was woven into an intricate design on her head, with blue gems scattered throughout the pattern. Her pink lips were curved into a beautiful, full smile which made her eyes sparkle. Alistair couldn't help but return one of his own. And, Maker's breath...her clothes. An oversized shirt was tucked into leather trousers. The ill-fitting nature of the shirt revealed more of her bosom than was strictly appropriate and Alistair had to fight to keep his eyes on her face.

"What are you doing here alone, Serena?" Alistair questioned, thinking back to the last time she had been here. As foolish as it was for her to have come alone, he couldn't help but notice that she certainly was made of tough stuff if she could return here alone so soon after she was attacked.

"Hello to you, too." She joked. Alistair smiled, but waited for her to answer his question. Sighing, she looked into his eyes, her expression suddenly serious. "I had no choice. I need your help."

* * *

Serena watched Alistair's expression carefully as she began to explain. "Ever since...it happened, I've felt scared." She spat the words out as though they offended her. "I have never been so helpless in my life. I can't feel that way again."

Alistair nodded slowly, but Serena couldn't read his expression. He seemed to be waiting for her to continue. "Today, I asked my father if he would permit me to learn how to fight. He refused. If I am to be a proper lady it seems that it is out of the question."

Alistair interrupted her, looking confused. "I thought that noble women were often taught battle skills."

"We are taught to fire an arrow at a still target, if we wish." She said, with a look that clearly expressed how useful she felt that skill was. "Most don't want to learn anything more. It often puts noblemen off to know their potential wife might be able to beat them into submission." She could see Alistair attempting to stifle his laughter at her last comment. She smiled too, but continued, more seriously. "My mother can fight, but that's a rare talent among noble ladies. My parents just want me to marry well and be happy and so they have refused me this. Everyone has refused me this."

She could see the realisation begin to dawn on Alistair's face as his smile slowly faded. "Serena, what is it you're asking of me?" He asked, his expression guarded.

Taking a deep breath, she practically blurted it out. "I want you to teach me how to fight. How to fight properly. How to fight like a soldier." She looked him straight in the eye, looking for any sign of his reaction. "I could come at dusk, after evening meals when you're done training. Or in the morning at dawn. Or whenever you'll have me, I'll be there." Realising she was babbling, Serena stopped herself.

"You want me to teach you how to fight?" Alistair repeated, looking at her incredulously.

Serena could see that he was unconvinced. She powered on, determined. "I realised after what happened that I really am just come defenceless little girl. I depend on my brother, or my guards to protect me, but by that logic I can never be alone. I don't want to be rescued. I want to rescue myself, but I need your help to do that." Serena finished, staring at the ground. The moment of silence that followed was too long. She knew what was coming.

"Serena, I...I can't!" He half-whispered, as though somebody might overhear them. "Your father is a Teyrn. I can't go against his wishes, I-"

"It's okay, Alistair." Serena interrupted him, having heard enough. She felt like a huge weight had settled on her chest, but she smiled gently. "It was a lot to ask of you, I know, I just had nowhere else to turn. You've done too much for me already and you barely know me. I had no right to come here. I'm sorry I put this on your shoulders." Stopping herself before she babbled anymore she took a deep breath through her nose and let it out. She smiled up at Alistair before leaning forward on her tiptoes. She gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek, his stubble scratching her face. "Thank you...for everything."

Giving him one last smile, she turned and started heading back to where she had left her brother's horse a few metres away. It had always been a long-shot, she knew, but somehow she couldn't fight the tears that were building behind her eyes.

* * *

_What in Andraste's name are you doing? _A voice in Alistair's yelled as he watched Serena Cousland walk away_. You've been thinking about her all week and now you're sending her away! What's wrong with you?_

_What's wrong with me, what's wrong with you? _Alistair argued._ If a high-ranking noble finds out that I helped his daughter to defy his wishes, Maker only knows what would happen to me_

The internal battle with his own conscience raged on within him, but he stayed completely still, not moving from his spot beside the wall. As Serena reached her horse, she looked back to him. It was difficult to tell from this distance, but he could swear her eyes appeared to be red-rimmed. She threw him a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. _Oh, no,_ thought Alistair, _if she's crying then-_

She looked away quickly, obviously trying to hide it, but not before Alistair saw a single tear roll down her cheek. Well, shit. That was the argument over right there.

Just as she was about the gallop off into the woods, Alistair cursed his own inability to refuse a crying woman's and shouted, "Serena, wait!" She looked back, her eyes filled with unmasked hope as Alistair jogged towards her. "

I'll help you." He said.

Before he knew what had happened, Serena leapt straight from the horse, landing on top of him and hugging him fiercely. He just about managed to maintain his balance as she squeezed him tightly.

"Oh, Alistair, thank you, thank you!" She yelled repeatedly into his ear, nearly deafening him. When she had calmed down a little, her words became more coherent. "You have no idea how much this means to me. I'll pay you for your services, of course."

"I've got little use for coins in there, trust me." Alistair replied, nodding his head in the direction of the Chantry. "I don't need payment anyway. It would be my honour to help a young lady defend herself."

Serena frowned. "I will think of some way to reward you, Alistair. I know that this is a big deal and I don't take your agreeing to help me lightly."

Alistair stared at her a moment. Honestly, her company was far better than that he encountered in the Chantry and he truly did like this girl. When he thought about it, he didn't need any further incentive to help her than that. He decided to drop the issue, however, and instead ran through a list of what she would need to bring.

"I can supply weapons and the like, but armour you'll have to find yourself. Make it light." He added, looking at her small frame. They decided to meet at dusk the following evening so Alistair would be able to sneak out of the Chantry following dinner. Serena would meet him by a small stream not far from their current location where Alistair knew there was an old stable building which was never used. Her training could begin there. In truth, Alistair wasn't sure how much he could teach her. He dwarfed her in size and their fighting styles would have to be wildly different, but he would certainly try his hardest to make her into a competent fighter.

"How long do I have to train you?" He asked suddenly as the thought popped into his head.

"I am to stay in the Royal Palace for another month, then we will stay at our estate within the city for a further six months whilst I learn the ways of court life." Alistair couldn't help but notice the almost mocking tone with which she said that. He got the distinct impression that this was one noble lady who did not much fancy being ladylike.

"That's good." He remarked, choosing not to comment on her last sentence. "You can certainly get a pretty good start in that amount of time.

Serena seemed pleased and beamed up at him, her earlier annoyance gone. "I have to go." Serena suddenly said, only just noticing how close the sun was to disappearing behind the horizon. "After what happened last week, I can't be late again or my parents will panic. Not to mention I'm already in the doghouse with father."

Alistair nodded. He understood the feeling on being in the doghouse well. She hugged him once more before turning to her horse. He was about to offer her help getting on, but before he could she jumped lightly on her feet and swung herself around onto its back. Alistair was surprised. The horse was huge, even for somebody his own size. He made a mental note that her nimbleness could be a great asset in a fight.

Smiling down at him, she squeezed her horses sides and streaked off into the woods. As she rode away, all he could think in his head was a single thought. _Maker help me_.

* * *

Serena came thundering into the stables, practically leaping from her mount in her haste. Leaving the bow and quiver in the stall, she ran into the palace through the servants' entrance. She was less likely to be spotted there as all the servants would likely be preparing to serve dinner. She threw herself up the stairs, reaching her own floor and flying into her room. Retrieving the dress from its heap on the floor, she almost ripped her shirt in her attempts to get it off. Finally succeeding, she managed to wriggle herself into the dress's gold and blue corset, righting the skirt around her just as her mother entered the room.

Eleanor Cousland was a beautiful woman. Her piercing blue eyes had only been made brighter by her grey hair which sat in elegant braids at the nape of her neck. She was far taller than Serena, towering over even some men. She wore a deep green dress which was simple, but suited her perfectly.

"Is it alright if I come in, darling?" She asked, closing the door gently behind her.

"Of course, mother." Serena replied as she tried to steady her breathing. She hoped she didn't look too flushed from her exertions. "In fact, would you mind lacing up my dress. I undid it as I was relaxing in here." Serena used this as an excuse to turn away, concealing her disheveled appearance.

Eleanor smiled and walked over to her daughter, speaking as she began to pull the corset tight around Serena's body. "I spoke with your father." She said quietly.

Serena had to bite back a groan. She hated to lie to her mother and did not want to have this conversation. "He loves you so much, you know. He only has your best interests at heart."

"I know that, mother." She replied, her chest feeling tight and not only from the corset. "I understand that it could hurt my chances of finding a husband if I'm not seen as ladylike and delicate, butt you were a warrior and you still found father."

"True as that is, that doesn't mean to say I made it easy for him. His family were not happy with his choice for a long time." Serena's eyebrows raised involuntarily. She hadn't know this. "I firmly believe that it is the softer arts with which a woman attracts a husband. Trust me, my dear, your life would be so much easier if you chose embroidery over swordplay." Serena was shocked at her mother's words. She knew that Eleanor no longer practiced her battle skills, but she was unaware that her mother felt she would have been better without them. "You, my darling girl, have Fergus and Ser Gilmore and an entire army to protect you. I am afraid I agree with your father's decision. As long as you don't go off wandering alone again, you will be safe."

With that, she finished her work on her daughter's dress. "Come now, let us go eat." Taking her hand, she led her from the room with a warm smile. Serena's heart clenched as she realised that if she carried through with her plans, if she deliberately and knowingly went against her parents' wishes, the trust they had in their daughter would never be the same. _And the worst part is, _she thought, _that I'm going to do it all the same._


	3. Training

Chapter Three. Training

"Ouch!" Serena groaned, landing on her back with a thump. While attempting to take advantage of the weak spots in Alistair's armour as he had shown her, her foot caught on a tree root and she had tumbled to the ground. Alistair offered his hand to her and she took it graciously. She stood slowly, rubbing her backside as she did so. "That's going to leave a mark."

Releasing her hand, Alistair grinned at her. "Would you like me to check, Milady?" He laughed, taking a step back as she swung at him with the wooden swords they had been practicing with. "That wasn't very ladylike." He joked again.

"Nor was that remark very gentlemanly, dear Templar." She retorted, trying and failing to look stern.

He smiled, nodding his head that she had a point. "In all seriousness though, Serena. You have to be aware of your surroundings. That manoeuvre would have been fantastic if-"

"If I hadn't fallen flat on my back, I know." Serena interrupted, not meeting his eyes. "I really am trying." In truth, she knew that she had made little progress in the last month they had been meeting. When she practiced alone in her room, she could pull off the manoeuvres perfectly, but as soon as she had that damned heavy sword in her hand, she just couldn't do it. Still, although the lack If progress was frustrating, Serena had to admit she'd never enjoyed anything so much in her life.

After the first week when he had been overly cautious around her, obviously out of fear of offending a Teyrn's daughter, Alistair had finally begun to relax. Serena smiled, thinking about his cheesy jokes and sarcastic humour. He even felt comfortable enough to tease her every now and again. And despite her inability to master anything he showed her, he never became angry or frustrated with her. He simply helped her up and they tried again.

"This thing's so heavy I just can't move fast enough." She sighed, raising the sword pointedly.

Alistair frowned for a moment, looking at her. "You might have a point." He said at last. "Will you be alright alone for a few minutes? I'll be right back."

Serena nodded, curious. Leaning his wooden training sword against the side of the abandoned stables by which they practiced, he retrieved his own, very real and very sharp blade from within. Handing it to her he said, "If anybody comes near you, stick them with the pointy end." Serena laughed as he left on the small path that led back to the Chantry.

Her smile faded when she could no longer see him. With nobody around, she suddenly felt very alone. In truth, she was not used to her own company. Her days had been filled with her family and the other nobles, whilst her evenings were spent training with Alistair. By the time she snuck back into her room at sunset she was usually too tired to think much about anything. _You're going to have to get used to it_, she told herself. _Your days won't be half as busy when you leave the palace._

The Cousland's were moving from their rooms within the Royal Palace to their estate within the city. Although Serena was pleased she would no longer be forced to make small talk with nobles for hours on end, it would make her meeting with Alistair more difficult. She wandered over to the small stream that was their meeting point. Resting her back against a tree, she thought about this fact. Her rooms in the palace were far from her parents' and brothers'. As the Teyrn and Teyrna of Highever, or future Teyrn in Fergus' case, they had been granted rooms close to King Cailan's own. In the Cousland Estate, however, Serena knew that she would be directly opposite Fergus. _I'm going to have to work on my stealth_, she mused. This thought made her chest feel tight.

The guilt surrounding her actions had faded somewhat, seemingly coinciding with the friendship growing between she and Alistair. How could she possibly feel guilty about a time she enjoyed so much?

"Listen to me," she muttered to no one in particular, "I sound as bad as an unfaithful wife."

By the time she heard the crunching of footsteps returning, the shadows cast by the trees were beginning to stretch in the low evening sun. In all her daydreaming, she didn't know when she had sunk to the ground, but here she was curled with her knees to her chest behind a tree watching the stream bubble over the rocks. It was little wonder that Alistair's voice sounded panicked when he called out to her.

"Serena?" He almost yelled. To him, it probably looked as though Serena had disappeared without a trace.

"I'm here!" She called, using Alistair's sword as a prop to help her up. She heard the crunching of his footsteps on the forest floor as he quickly made his way over to her.

"Maker, Serena!" He said upon seeing her, his expression almost angry. "Don't do that!"

"Do what?" She asked, stabbing his sword into the ground beside her and placing her hands on her hips.

"Hide like that. I thought-"

Serena felt all her built up frustration bubble over in that moment. Between her lack of progress in training and the way her family insisted on coddling her, she didn't think she could take it anymore. It was as though a dam burst and she couldn't hold back the words, no matter how hard she tried. "I wasn't hiding. I'm here, exactly where you left me. Or am I such a feeble little girl that I can't move a few feet now with somebody having a panic attack?"

"Serena, I-" Alistair tried to speak, but it was as though she couldn't stop.

"My father and brother treat me like I'm made of glass. My mother's only dream is that I find a noble husband who will never let me lift a finger. And now you're angry because I wander away for a moment? I'm seventeen, Alistair, not seven." She was breathing heavily now.

"Please, just-" Once more, Serena cut him off, although her anger was beginning to fade.

"I know I was in trouble once recently, but nobody will let me forget it. Can't anybody see me the way I see myself? I want to be strong. I want to be able to look after myself. I don't want to be weak." Her eyes began to sting. She could feel the pressure of tears building. Not bothering to blink them back, she felt one roll down her cheek, leaving it cold. She closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him after her outburst. He hadn't deserved that. He probably wouldn't help her anymore now.

Suddenly, she felt something warm on her face. Her eyes opened slowly. To her surprise, she saw that Alistair had reached out his hand and wiped away her tear with his thumb. She said nothing, but stared into his eyes for a long moment. He stared back.

Speaking in a voice barely louder than a whisper, he held his hand to her face. "You come here every day to the place you could have been killed barely a month ago without complaint. You disobey your father to make yourself stronger. You stand up to a boy two years your senior and twice your size, not to mention a Templar in training. If there's one thing you're not, Serena, it's weak."

Her mouth dropped open. Nobody had ever said anything like that to her before. "I'm not really half your size." She breathed stupidly, unable to think of anything more articulate to say. He smiled, then suddenly seemed to realise what he was doing, clearing his throat and taking a step back. Her cheek suddenly felt very cold in the absence of his hand.

"Don't you want to see what I brought you?" He asked. Serena shook herself, remembering where she was. They walked back into the clearing, both a little awkward after their somewhat intimate conversation. He bent down to retrieve what appeared to be two long items wrapped in cloth and leather.

"Now, you have to promise to be very careful." He said as he slowly unwrapped them. "I have a feeling they'll be exactly what you need."

Serena saw the evening light glinting off something shiny. She gasped as the objects finally came into view. "Beautiful." She whispered as Alistair pulled two long, elegant daggers from within. They were each double-ended with a green leather grip in the middle. Serena recognised scripture from the Chant of Light engraved up each side in a beautiful curving font. He handed them to her and she noticed as she gripped them firmly that they weighed almost nothing. She would have no problem with movement whilst handling these.

"Alistair, where did you get these?" She asked, astonished. The craftsmanship was amazing, they were clearly expensive.

"They were my mother's." He replied quietly. Her head snapped up. He always told her that he never met his mother and his father wasn't worth knowing about. He knew very little, except that she was a maid in Redcliffe Castle who'd died giving birth to him. From what Serena could gather through snippets of information, the Arl had taken pity of him, allowing him to be raised in the castle for a number of years before he had been sent here.

"But I thought-" She began, before Alistair cut her off.

"That she was just a maid? As far as I can tell, she was travelling with some noble family during the war with Orlais, who owned a beautiful pair of daggers but never used them. Not once. When the war ended, she was granted a gift for her loyal service. She chose these."

Serena was surprised. Whenever she'd asked questions about his family before he'd always changed the subject. She wondered if this admission was deliberate, or if he was just becoming more comfortable around her.

"I can't take these," she said thrusting them towards him," they're too important."

Alistair took a step back just before she managed to impale him on the sharp edges of the blades. "You can and you will." He replied adamantly. "Although we're going to have to be more careful if we're going to train with real blades."

Looking down, she dropped her arms to her sides, not entirely sure what to do with them. The blades felt nice in her hands, but she couldn't help but feel awkward. At least with the sword she had known what she was doing wrong. Now she was a total beginner again.

"Come here." Alistair said, noticing her uncomfortable stance. He moved around behind her, taking each of her arms and guiding them to the correct position. As she felt his breath on the back of her neck, she had to remind herself that Alistair was her friend. Just her friend. And yet even as she thought this, her treacherous heart looked as though it was about to beat it's way out of her chest.

Satisfied with his work, he let go of her arms and moved around to inspect her positioning from the front. She wasn't sure, but she though she could see a slight flush in his cheeks too. Interesting. His next words stopped those thoughts in their tracks.

"Are you ready?" He asked. Serena looked down to see the light bouncing off the same, very sharp long-sword he had left her with not long ago. She gulped.

"You're fighting with that?" She squeaked, the alarm clear even to her own ears. "You aren't going to give me any institutions at all?"

"Those blades would cut right through the practice sword." He explained. "And I don't have much experience with duel weapons, which is why I didn't think of them in the first place. Just trust your instincts. Go with it."

Serena stared, wide eyed. She did not want to 'go with it' when it came to her life. Sensing here anxiety, Alistair said two final words: "Trust me." Before he brought his sword spinning around towards her. With her old weapon, she would have been totally unable to stop the blow. Now was a different story.

She brought both blades up high, creating a satisfying sound of metal-on-metal as their weapons collided. The force as the sword struck the daggers rattled her bones and almost toppled her. To her surprise, however, she was able to use the force to her advantage, rolling backwards and landing on her feet.

"Alistair!" She yelped "You could have killed me."

"No, I couldn't, because you wouldn't have let me." He retorted. She doubted the logic in that, but yet again he came at her, sword raised high. She gasped, but was able to bring her daggers up just in time.

"Come on, Serena!" Alistair goaded her. "I know you can do this. Prove that you're strong."

That was the motivation she needed. I can do this, she realised, gripping her daggers firmly. Alistair swung at her again. She noticed in that moment just how restricted a person'a range of movement could be with a sword. _No wonder I had so much trouble_, she thought. An idea sprang to her mind. She stood her ground until the last minute, before ducking low, feeling the swoosh of wind as the sword passed over her head. She swung her leg out, sweeping it below Alistair knocking him off balance. He fell to the ground, making a satisfying 'oof' sound.

Not missing a beat, she leapt forward, straddling him across his chest to keep him still and holding one of the daggers to his neck. She sat there for a moment, breathing hard, with Alistair staring up at her in amazement. She couldn't believe it. She'd actually managed to take Alistair down. She felt excited and exhilarated and not at all weak.

It was then that she realised the position she was in was hardly appropriate. She carefully removed the dagger from it's position at Alistair's neck, but otherwise remained still.

"You see." Alistair whispered. "Just look how strong you are."

She hadn't realised that she had been moving towards him until their faces were mere inches apart. Her eyes involuntarily flicked down to Alistair's lips. _Stop it! _She told herself. _You're going to ruin everything_. Even as this thought crossed her mind, she knew that she couldn't stop now and worse...she didn't want to. Her lips gently brushed Alistair's. She found that they were warm and soft. He surprised her as he began to move his lips against hers, and she surprised herself by reciprocating. Her face began to warm up and her body squirmed. She wasn't used to feeling this way, especially not with her friend. It was too much.

Serena suddenly couldn't take any more. She scrambled back from her position dropping the daggers at her sides, not realising she'd still been holding them. Muttering some poor excuse about needing to head back before someone missed her, she rushed to get her horse from within the stable.

She rode off into the forest, leaving Alistair alone behind her.

* * *

"Would you like to have it taken in, Milady?" Asked the elven girl. Serena looked into the mirror and noticed that the dress did indeed hang a little looser than before. Although she had never been overweight, it seemed the weeks of training with Alistair had toned her body, leaving her with clothes that didn't quite fit.

"Yes please, Alana." Serena smiled down at the girl. Alana was her new handmaiden and her first. Her mother had decided it was time for Serena to have a lady-in-waiting and hired Alana from the alienage within the city. Although having somebody dress her and wait on her hand and foot made Serena feel a little awkward, she knew that at least Alana would have a better life with the Cousland's than in the overcrowded alienage.

"Certainly, Milady." Alana smiled, removing the dress and laying it to one side. "The blue dress this evening, then?"

Alana brought out a beautiful sapphire-blue dress which complemented Serena's eyes. Small diamonds and sapphires were sewn into the fabric of the bodice, creating an intricate design. This dress had already been adjusted and would fit perfectly.

"That would be lovely, Alana, thank you." Alana helped Serena into the dress, lacing it up tightly before excusing herself politely as Serena finished getting ready. Tonight, they were dining with the king and she knew that her family would die of embarrassment if she didn't look fully presentable. Her mother, in particular seemed insistent that she look her best. Half of her hair was tied up into a spiralling knot behind her head whilst the other half fell down her back in gentle curls. Her dress was uncreased and spotless. She applied a small amount of rouge to her cheeks to give her the look of being ever so slightly flushed. Fiddling with her hair, she decided that it wasn't going to get much better and left her room.

This evening was important. Although they had been in King Cailan's company for practically a month whilst staying at the palace, this was the first time he would come to the Cousland Estate to dine exclusively with them. It was a huge honour, Serena knew, but she couldn't help but feel annoyed that she would miss her lessons tonight because of it. Whereas normally she could sneak out after dinner, tonight she would have to stay until the king left, which given his reputation would not be until late. Alistair had seemed awkward when he found at this was the reason she would not see him this evening, but she hadn't pushed him on the matter.

Alistair often seemed awkward of late. When they'd met the following day, neither of them mentioned the kiss, both seeming to wait for the other to bring it up. Nor did they say anything the following week. Or month. Now, four months on, it would seem to an outsider as though nothing had happened. Serena knew better.

If Alistair touched her to adjust a position or demonstrate a move, he became red-faced and tended to talk too much for a time afterwards. Particularly bad were the occasions they found themselves in compromising positions during a fight. Did he wish it hadn't happened? Or perhaps he felt the same heat she did whenever they got close. Serena shut down this thought immediately. He hadn't said anything to make her think that since it had happened, the day he'd given her the daggers. True, his words weren't always entirely brotherly, but nothing meaningful had been uttered since.

It hadn't stopped their friendship from growing, however. Her frustration during lessons had all but disappeared. The sword may not have been her thing, but she was born for bows and daggers. Without Serena getting angry at herself every five minutes, their friendship had been able to blossom. She thought of Alistair as her best friend and could hardly stand a day without him. This scared her. She didn't like to be dependent on anyone. But, as much as she feared her relationship with Alistair, she couldn't live without him. What he'd given her was so incredibly important, that she would never be the same. He'd given her strength. Or rather shown her the strength she had all along.

She shook herself as she reached the dining room. The king would be arriving soon and she had to be on her best behaviour. Entering the grand room, she found that she was the last to arrive. Her father and mother were deep in discussion in a corner, but her brother seemed unoccupied. She approached him with a huge smile. Their relationship had improved a great deal since the issue of Serena's fighting was no longer a problem. Although she hadn't told him about her deal with Alistair, and certainly not about the kiss. she had a sneaking suspicion that he knew why she snuck out each evening. She ran into him every so often in the hallway as she came back late, looking a state. Although she changed out of her armour before coming home, her hair was full of twigs and her face streaked with dirt. Even so, he simply smiled a knowing smile at her and returned to his room. He knew his sister well enough to recognise the occasional cuts and bruises she sported, not to mention her sudden newfound level if fitness. It was an unspoken agreement that they seemed to have. He didn't ask and she didn't tell. He may not approve of what she was doing, but if she hadn't explicitly told him, he wouldn't interfere.

"There's my lovely sister." He said, pulling her into a hug. "I haven't seen you all day."

"I was around, Fergus." She replied as they broke the hug. "Where is Oriana?" She quickly changed the subject before her brother could ask any more questions. If he did, she was not sure she would be able to hide the fact that she had been out discreetly acquiring new armour with Alana's help. After the old light leather set she'd 'borrowed' from the Royal Palace quickly became worn down, she'd decided that an improved version would be required. Alana had suggested the perfect place. The armour was blue and gold, in the Cousland colours, with streaks of green matching her daggers thrown in. It reminded her of the marble which adorned many of the walls within Highever.

"She's with Oren." He replied. "She'll be joining us soon. You know that she wouldn't miss this for to world."

Serena laughed. It was true. Nobody, be it the berserkers in Orzamar or Serena's own newborn nephew, would be able to keep Oriana from such an honour as an audience with the king.

She felt a hand on her back and turned to see her mother smiling at her. "My darling, you look breathtaking." Eleanor beamed, pride filling her eyes. _Now there's something you don't see every day_, she thought.

"Thank you, mother." Serena smiled, looking down as her cheeks grew hot with embarrassment. "If you don't mind me asking, why was it so important that I look my best tonight?" She asked, curious. She knew that looking presentable for the king was always essential, but her mother seemed to have placed an extra emphasis on Serena this evening above the rest of the family.

"I suppose it won't hurt now to tell you." Eleanor murmured, almost to herself. Taking Serena's arm, her mother led her to the hallway, away from the rest of her family and servants. Just before the door closed, her eyes met her brothers'. His grim expression caused nervous butterflies to flutter in her stomach.

"Mother," Serena said in a low voice, her tone wary. "What's going on?"

"There have been rumours." Her mother whispered rapidly, her face a mask of pure excitement. "As I understand it, King Cailan took a shine to you during the coronation celebrations."

Serena frowned, trying to remember her conversations with the king. She had been so nervous that the usual mental barrier stopping ones thoughts from tumbling out of their mouth seemed to disappear entirely. She remembered complaining a lot about all the elegance and grace expected of a woman nowadays, before moving on to talk endlessly about battle strategies, completely forgetting that this wasn't polite conversation for a noble lady. Not to mention, she wasn't supposed to know anything about such things.

"He liked me?" She asked, incredulously. "Are you sure, mother?"

"Quite sure." Her mother continued, obviously struggling to hold back her excitement. "I thought if noticed it myself, but I wasn't sure. He seemed to gravitate towards your company for a disproportionately large part of the festivities. Now, others have confirmed what your father and I suspected."

"Please, mother, stop being so cryptic!" Serena was getting frustrated now. A feeling of dread was growing in her chest and she had a suspicion she knew what was coming.

"If the gossip is true, which is usually is around here," she began, painfully slowly, "then the king will ask for your hand in marriage."

Serena's mouth popped open. A ringing started in her ears and she felt her palms turn sweaty. _The king wants_ _to marry me? Me?_ She thought internally. Externally, all she could do was stand there with her mouth opening and closing like a dying fish. So this was what it was all for. The beautiful dresses. The lessons in court life. The stubbornness over matters of her safety. It took her a few moments to realise that Eleanor was still talking. Through her shock, Serena managed to make out a few words. Honour. Privilege. Queen. This snapped her out of her daze.

"But I don't want to be queen." She blurted, eyes wide. Her mother carried on as though she hadn't heard her.

"There hasn't been a Cousland on the throne in as long as I can remember." She mused, obviously deep in thought trying to remember her royal history.

"Mother, I don't want to be queen." She said more firmly. The force in her voice stopped Eleanor in her tracks.

"Well, that's nonsense," she began, but Serena held up a finger to stop her.

"I have done so much to be the daughter you'd be proud of. I wear these ridiculous dresses. I allow you to torture me with the most painful hairstyles. I follow almost every single order you give me." She was careful to add the word 'almost' to this particular point. "I do all of this because I love you and I want to be the daughter you deserve. But I'll be damned to the Black City if I'm forced to marry a man I don't love."

It was Eleanor's turn to be shocked now. She stared at her daughter for what felt like an age. In truth, Serena barely noticed. As she spoke the words, something dawned on her. Cailan may not be the man she loved, but perhaps there was somebody else who did hold her heart. Held it and didn't even know it.

Just as her mother was about to open her mouth to speak, the doors to the dining room opened. Bryce Cousland poked his head out.

"How's it going? Did you let her know he good news?" He asked, looking from Serena to Eleanor and back again.

"Bryce, I-" Eleanor began, but the Teyrn cut his wife off.

"No time to talk now." He smiled. He looked to Serena, raising his eyes pointedly. "The King has arrived."


	4. Broken

Chapter Four. Broken

Serena laughed loudly. She wasn't quite sure what she was laughing at, but everyone else around the table seemed to find something very funny, so she joined in. Serena herself was functioning on autopilot. She spoke when she was addressed. She smiled when she caught somebody's eye. She even managed to compliment the food every now and again. Her mind, however, was in another place entirely. All she could think about was the future that lay before her: attending endless ceremonies, conversing with elderly noblemen for hours on end and having people wait on her hand and foot. That wasn't the life she wanted.

"What do you think, Lady Serena?" The sound of her name brought her back to the present. Her head snapped up and she blinked a few times to clear her thoughts. King Cailan had addressed her directly and she had no idea what he'd said._ Maker's breath_, she told herself,_ you may not want to marry the man, but if father forces the issue then you don't want to be stuck with someone who believes you're an idiot._

"Excuse me, Your Grace?" She asked, politely, looking up at Cailan. He smiled at her kindly and thought that perhaps he noticed her lack of attention this evening. She knew he was a good man and he was brave and handsome and would probably be a good husband to her, but he wasn't what she wanted. Try as she might, even without thoughts of Alistair influencing her decisions, she couldn't envision herself loving him.

"I asked for your opinion on the subject of Templars." He repeated, looking at her curiously. "Do you find them too heavy-handed with the mages?"

The mention of Templars reminded her of Alistair again, which gave her butterflies in her stomach. W_hat has he done to me? _

"I know they aren't all like that. Some are really rather gentle." The words slipped out without her meaning them to.

"You know many Templars?" Her brother asked. Her cheeks grew red with embarrassment as she stared daggers at him. Of course he knew already knew the answer to his question. He just wanted to see her squirm. Serena tried to cover her mistake. "It was a Templar...who saved me from the bandits in the woods. Well, a Templar in training. I'm sure you heard the story of how I was attacked. Everyone else seems to know. Of course, they all think I was stupid to be alone in-"

"Serena." Her mother's forceful voice halted the flow of words streaming from her mouth. She looked to her brother who had a single eyebrow raised. His wife Oriana beside him simply looked worried. _Now that's certainly_ _not good_, she thought. She turned back to the king, who looked a little bemused, but in credit to his gentlemanly nature, continued as though nothing had happened.

"There has been some debate over the issue." Cailan continued, addressing the table at large once more. Serena relaxed now she was no longer on the spot. The conversation continued without further incident as course after course was brought out from the kitchens. By the end of the meal, Serena felt that nobody could object to her company that evening. It hadn't been particularly interesting, true, but not had it been overly dull.

"May I be excused for a moment?" Serena stood, addressing the table at large. "I'd like to go for a little air."

"You shouldn't go alone, darling. It's dark, who knows what could happen." Eleanor said, concern colouring her voice. _How little you know, mother,_ Serena thought. She could feel the cool metal of two small daggers which were strapped to each thigh. Unlike the first time she'd been attacked, now she knew how to use them. Nobody would be getting the jump on her again.

"I can escort you." Said the king, standing. Serena's mouth flopped open and closed, with no words coming out. She had wanted to take a walk to clear her head, but it seemed that no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't run from your problems. If her mother was correct in her suspicions, this walk might just make her problems a whole lot worse.

* * *

Alistair wasn't quite sure where he was. He was sitting beside a stream in an empty clearing. _Something is wrong_, he thought, _there should be trees here._ As soon as the thought sprung to mind, pines formed around him. _And the floor should be covered in leaves, _he decided. Leaves suddenly appeared, peppering the ground in oranges and browns. _Good_, he thought, turning back to watch the stream. As the water bubbled over rocks, he realised that this was the same stream by which he met Serena. Suddenly, a voice whispered behind him.

"Alistair..." It called. He would know that voice anywhere. He turned to find Serena stood behind him, exactly as he had last seen her yesterday. Her hair was full of twigs and leaves and her was covered in dirt.

"Alistair, I need you." She whispered again, taking a step closer to him. Why was she whispering? There was nobody else around. She was directly in front of him now, standing so close that he could reach out and touch her. He wanted to, badly, but his arms were too heavy. They wouldn't follow his commands.

"Alistair!" Serena slapped him hard across the face.

Alistair sat up in bed. As he did so, his head collided with something hard and solid.

"Ouch!" He heard as somebody fell to the floor beside his bed with a thump. " Maker, Alistair watch out. I'm having a bad enough night without you head-butting me too!"

Alistair looked to his right to find none other than Serena in a heap on the floor beside his bed, rubbing her forehead. Alistair had to blink a few times to believe that she was truly here and this wasn't some figment of his imagination brought on by his dream. Although, if his stinging cheek were anything to go by, he hadn't imagined all of it. _Serena's here_, it dawned on him. He sprang up from his bed, scooping her up from the floor and placing her back on her feet.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, looking around frantically to see if they'd woken any of his fellow recruits. Seeing that everyone was sound asleep, he turned back to her.

Serena wisely remained silent, but pointed to the large open window above the training area, indicating that they talk outside. Alistair nodded his agreement and they tiptoed over to the third-story window.

"You climbed up to this?" He asked, impressed as she nodded her head. This was the route he often took to escape into the forest at night if he felt like some time to himself. Time had eroded large chunks of the wall, making finding footholds an easy task. Still, Alistair was impressed that the girl who could barely scale the east wall five months ago could now climb three stories without help.

Alistair reached the ground before Serena. She was new to climbing as it wasn't something they often practiced in their lessons. Even so, her nimble hands and feet gave her a natural affinity for the skill, as she seemed to have with everything Alistair showed her. Her success with the daggers had given her a huge confidence boost and she now went from strength to strength. So much so that Alistair barely even felt the need to hold back now in their fights. He'd never seen anyone progress so fast. They only had two months left of their lessons and Alistair no longer worried about being unable to train her sufficiently in this time. What he did worry about was having to say goodbye. After just five months with Serena, she had become his best friend, and he hers. He wasn't sure he could face it when the time came to part.

In all his thinking, it took him a moment to realise that Serena had reached the ground too, jumping the last few feet. His thoughts returned to the matter at hand.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, placing his hands on her shoulders. "You could have been seen."

"I know. I just wanted to see you." She smiled sadly up at him and it was then that Alistair noticed the tear marks that covered her face. "I'd seen you sneaking back into your dormitory a few times so I knew where to find you and I just...needed you. I'm sorry. It was stupid. I shouldn't have-"

"What's wrong?" He cut her off, not giving her a chance to doubt herself. If Serena was willing to admit that she needed him, then she truly needed him. She smiled gratefully up at him, taking his hand. She led him over to their wall at the east side of the chantry.

"Can we go some place else?" She asked, beginning to climb up and over the wall. "I feel like people can see us here."

They walked in silence through the woods. It was late. How late, Alistair didn't know, but the only light was that cast by the moon and stars. Serena held onto his hand tightly, leaning into him as though his warmth could fend off any monsters in the forest.

"Alistair." She suddenly said, breaking the silence with a giggle. "You're not wearing a shirt."

He looked down at himself to find that she was indeed correct. Yet despite the cool night air, he wasn't cold. _Perhaps it has something to do with the girl pressed to your side_, an altogether unwholesome part of his mind whispered to him. He did have to admit, though, that Serena's presence always did make him a little hot under the collar. He noticed that despite mentioning this, she didn't pull away.

"It appears that I'm not." He said simply.

When they finally reached their clearing, Alistair turned to her and spoke.

"I thought you weren't coming tonight." Alistair began, giving her an opportunity to explain her sudden appearance by his bed.

"We had dinner with the king tonight." Serena said, not looking him in the eye. "Mother believed that he wanted to marry me."

Alistair's heart flip-flopped around in his chest. He knew that something like this was bound to happen. Serena was a beautiful high-born girl and she was hardly going to go unnoticed when surrounded by so many noblemen. But did it have to be King Cailan? He suddenly noticed her use of the past tense. "Wanted?" He asked, dreading her answer.

"After dinner, he took me for a walk through the grounds. He asked if I'd consider marrying him after my eighteenth birthday."

_This is it,_ he thought. He tried to hide his pain from her, replying as a friend should. "That's amazing, Serena. Brilliant! What an honour." He couldn't even convince himself that his words sounded genuine.

"That's just the thing." She replied, finally looking up to meet his eyes with tears sparkling in her own. "I don't feel like it's an honour. Alistair...I said no."

Alistair blinked in surprise. His broken heart suddenly sprang back to life, beating at a mile a minute. He couldn't help but feel shocked, however.

"You said no?" He asked, barely able to control his shaking voice. "Turning down a king is a big deal, Serena."

"I know. I haven't even spoken to my father. He's going to be furious." She said, the anxiety clear in her voice as it broke. "I said no and I just left. But I couldn't say yes, Alistair. No matter how they try to coerce me, I won't say yes."

She leaned forward, clearly trying to hold back her tears and hugged him tightly. Alistair quickly wrapped his arms around her tiny body. He stroked his hand over her head and tried to make soothing sounds.

"Why couldn't you say yes?" He asked, unable to comprehend who she envisioned as a better match than a king. She looked up, her beautiful sapphire-blue eyes staring straight into his own.

"I think...I think I'd be betraying myself if I agreed to marry him. I want to explore the world. I want to make my mark, not just as the wife of a king. I want to show everyone how strong a 'little girl' can be. I can't do any of that if I become a queen." He couldn't help but notice the conviction with which she spoke. The tears were gone from her eyes, replaced by a look of determination. It was as though she needed to say these words as much for herself as for him. "But I would give all of those dreams up if it made my family happy. I would marry King Cailan tomorrow if it weren't for that one thing. The one thing I can't give up."

Alistair was confused, unable to believe what she was telling him. "What is that?" He asked.

"How can you not know?" She replied cryptically, her fingers fiddling with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. He didn't know what to say, still not entirely sure what was coming next. He chose silence. Serena rolled her eyes. It amused Alistair that she could still manage that small gesture even when she was this wound up.

"You, Alistair. I can't give you up. No matter how hard I try to imagine it, I can't." She took a deep breath, as though steeling herself. "I love you, Alistair."

The world stopped. Literally froze in that moment. Alistair couldn't believe what he had heard. He just stared at the beautiful girl before him, not willing to believe that somebody like her could truly love somebody like him. When he said nothing, she spoke again.

"You hear me? I love you. Maker knows it took me a long time to realise it, but I love you. I love you. I-" He didn't give her a chance to continue. Taking her face in both his hands, he brought her mouth crashing to his and kissed her.

* * *

Serena gasped. She'd been hoping for some kind of positive reaction, but Alistair's boldness shocked her. She reached up, knotting her hands into the hair at the back of his head. He slipped his tongue into her mouth and she gasped, her heart beginning to race. He pulled away for a moment to look in her eyes in amazement.

"You really love me?" He asked in an amazed tone.

"I really love you." She replied, then pulled him back down for another kiss. She felt his hands slide from her face, down her back and to her waist, pulling her closer to him. She was standing on her tiptoes to reach him and even then he had to stoop to reach her. _Well, this is just infuriating_, she thought, before surprising herself, and probably Alistair, by jumping up and wrapping her legs around his waist. To his credit, Alistair caught her easily, holding her up. He took a few steps, before she felt something solid behind her back. He was using the wall of the old stables to hold her up.

"Much better." She whispered against lips. She felt something very hard between her legs and decided that Alistair thought so too. Acting on instinct, she began to roll her hips against his, gasping in pleasure. A heat was beginning to grow inside her and Alistair was only stoking the flames.

"Serena, we should stop." Alistair murmured, kissing his way along her jawline and to her neck.

"I don't want you to stop." She breathed. It didn't feel like he wanted to stop either.

"Somebody could see us." He continued, rubbing his hands up and down her waist, making her wish that she didn't have quite so many clothes on.

"Let them see us." She whispered into his ear. When he scooped his hands under her thighs to lift her up higher, she couldn't hold back the moan that escaped her as his hands strayed close to where she wanted him most. _Not bloody close enough_, she thought.

"Maker, Serena." He groaned. "We really do need to stop. What if somebody comes looking for you?"

Serena sighed. She knew that he was right. Her father could probably handle the fact that she had turned down Cailan, but she wasn't sure he could also take finding her in a...compromising position on the same night. With a Templar-in-training, no less. As much as she didn't want to, she broke apart from Alistair and he set her on the ground gently.

"Well that was...unexpected." Alistair laughed, his hands still resting on her waist. Serena smiled up and at him and when he smiled back, she swore that she had never seen anything so beautiful.

"What can I say?" She joked. "You're a bad influence on me."

"Hey, I was a good little chantry boy when I met you." Alistair complained, adding a fake pout for good measure.

"I seem to recall you were being punished for a fight the night we met." Serena replied, raising one eyebrow sceptically at him.

"Okay, okay, you win." He laughed. Their smiles quickly faded when they both noticed the lightening of the sky.

"I have to go back now, don't I?" She asked, already knowing the answer. Alistair nodded, silently. "And I have to take whatever punishment they give me?" Nod. "But you'll still be here for me tomorrow night?" Alistair nodded one last time.

Serena smiled a grim smile. "Very well." She said, finally stepping away from him. "I'll meet you at dusk. Here, this time. I don't want to get head-butted again."

Alistair laughed. "No, we wouldn't want to damage that pretty little head." She smacked him on the arm before starting to leave, walking backwards so she could still see him standing there. When she could no longer make out his features in the low light, she turned around and began to make for her horse which was waiting for her at the edge of the woods.

"Serena!" Shouted Alistair's distant voice. She turned back, struggling to make him out in the dark.

"Yes?" She called back, confused.

"I love you, too!" Serena grinned at Alistair's confession. In the heat of the moment, neither of them had realised that Alistair had never returned the sentiment. Worse still, neither of them realised that somebody had followed them to the clearing that night. Somebody who now knew everything.

* * *

Alistair watched until he could no longer see the moonlight sparkling off the sapphires on Serena's blue dress. Only then did he allow the night't events to truly sink in. _Serena loves me_, he thought, almost unable to process that realisation. _Maker knows I don't deserve her, but I'll be damned if I don't try my best to make her happy._ With a smile that probably made him look like a grinning idiot, he set off back to the chantry.

For a moment, he thought he heard rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned around, it stopped. _Probably an animal_, he thought, but walked a little faster just in case. When he was mere feet from the walls of the Chantry, he heard twigs snapping behind him. He swivelled, bringing his fists up in a defensive position and bending his knees, ready for a fight.

"Who's there?" He called, cursing himself for forgetting to bring a weapon. A large figure stepped out from behind the trees. He wore a dark cloak, but had no weapon raised.

"Lower your guard, boy." The hooded stranger commanded. Alistair did not lower his guard. The stranger sighed and pulled down the hood of his cloak. Although it was hard to tell in the low light, Alistair would swear that the features seemed familiar.

"Who are you?" He asked cautiously.

"My name in Fergus Bryce Cousland." The stranger began. "My sister is Lady Serena Elodie Jae Cousland of Highever. I believe you know her and I can assure you, I mean you no harm."

Alistair's arms dropped to his side. The familiarity suddenly made sense. Serena's brother had the same colouring as her, dark hair and blue eyes. Their noses were similar too. It was a wonder Alistair didn't recognise him before. Still, he remained wary. He wasn't sure how much Serena had told her brother about their lessons.

"Yes, we met when I saved her from some rather unpleasant bandits." He replied, keeping his cards close to his chest. His bare chest, he suddenly remembered and felt blood rush to his cheeks in embarrassment.

"I assume you are the one who has been teaching my sister how to fight." Fergus said, a knowing expression on his face. Alistair felt as thought somebody had ripped a bucket of icy water over his head. Nobody was supposed to know. He stood there, mouth opening and closing, unable to speak.

"Please, don't look so shocked." Fergus laughed. "I know my sister well enough to recognise the signs."

"I see." Was all Alistair could manage.

"I don't think you do." Continued Serena's brother. "Because it seems that I don't know her as well as I'd thought. I couldn't understand why on earth she would turn down a proposal from somebody who is not only a king, but also a good man. Then I followed her here tonight. I wanted to make sure she was alright after what I saw with King Cailan. It seems she was more than alright with you, wasn't she?"

Oh, Maker, no. He hadn't seen that, had he? "About what you saw-" Alistair began, but was cut off.

"Six months ago my sister would have said yes in a heartbeat. She would have wanted a safe and secure life with a king. She would have been happy. Then she meets you, and suddenly she isn't happy with that anymore. She wants you." There was no venom in Fergus' voice, only a tinge of sadness. "Do you think you can make her happy?"

"She loves me. I love her. I know that makes her happy." Alistair replied, raising and dropping his shoulders.

"She's seventeen. It's her first love. Of course she thinks that will make her happy." Fergus sighed, taking a step closer to Alistair. "Do you plan on running away from the Chantry and eloping in Orlais? Or perhaps you'll marry her and have her become the gossip of Ferelden for choosing a Chantry boy over a king? I don't say these things to hurt you, Alistair. I say them because they're true."

Alistair felt something rotten settle within his heart. Perhaps Fergus was right. Perhaps Serena truly would be better off without him. His earlier joy was crushed, as easily as one would swat a fly. He couldn't do that to Serena. He wouldn't. "What would you have me do?" He asked, dreading the answer.

"If she doesn't love you, perhaps she could love a king. Perhaps she could be happy with that life once more." Fergus said grimly, laying a hand on Alistair's shoulder in comfort. Alistair doubted the logic in this. In his experience, once Serena made up her mind about something, there was no changing it.

"I'm not sure anybody can tell Serena how to feel." He replied, almost smiling at the thought.

"No." Fergus agreed. Alistair had a feeling that simply telling Serena to marry Cailan wasn't what her brother had in mind. "You're going to have to hurt her, Alistair. Hurt her so badly that she'll never think of you again."

Alistair's heart almost shattered at the thought of it. How could he do that to her? After what they had shared over the past few months. She would hate him.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but if you do truly love her, you'll do this for her." And, with that, Fergus Cousland disappeared into the night.

* * *

Serena arrived to the clearing before Alistair. She'd been forced to come in her dress after climbing out of her bedroom window. Since she'd turned down King Cailan, her father had been furious and confined her to her room. At this very moment, Ser Gilmore stood dutifully at the door ensuring that she didn't leave. How little they knew. Although her father had accepted her decision, he had not taken it lightly, especially after the way she disappeared for a few hours afterwards. They'd been forced to make their farewells and apologies to the king in her absence. In truth, she agreed that she did not handle the situation well. She probably deserved her punishment.

"Serena." She heard Alistair's deep voice behind her, making her jump. She hadn't heard him coming. She turned around to see her Templar waiting behind her.

"Alistair!" She yelled, running to him and pulling him in for a hug. When he remained stiff and unresponsive, she pulled back to look into his eyes. "What's wrong?" She asked, worried.

Alistair let out a long sigh. "I can't do this anymore, Serena." He said, not looking at her. She took a step back, fear growing in her stomach.

"What are you talking about, Alistair?" She asked, cautiously.

"I have to tell you the truth...about everything." For a moment, Serena swore that she could see a look of pain flash across his face, but then it was gone. He continued, "It's not fair of me to carry on with this. Not when I've already won."

"You've...won?" She asked. She could feel tears building behind her eyes, but she wasn't sure why.

"I don't love you, Serena." He said, simply, as though he wasn't about to break her heart. As though those words didn't hurt more than any physical wound she'd received. As though he didn't care.

"You do love me." She replied, placing her hands on his chest. "You told me. I love you and you love me."

"It was a game, Serena." He said, finally meeting her eyes with his own. They looked cold. "Well, a bet, actually. After I found you with those bandits, you were so desperate for my help you practically threw yourself at me. I bet some of the other recruits that I could get you to fall in love with me before you returned to Highever. I was a little worried at first, but then you asked me to teach you how to fight and it practically became easy."

Serena couldn't believe what she was hearing. She pulled her hands away from his chest as quickly as if he'd burned her. She could feel her heart shattering, and closed her eyes as a single tear rolled down her cheek. "This isn't true." She whispered, still holding out the smallest ray of hope that this was a cruel joke.

"If I loved you, would I hurt you like this?" He asked as she opened her eyes and felt the hot tears begin to flow from her eyes. "If I truly cared for you, Serena, would I tell you that I never want to see you again? Would I tell you to leave here and never come back?"

"I don't know." Serena whispered, barely louder than a whisper. This couldn't be happening. She'd laid herself bare for Alistair and here he was throwing it all back in her face. He wouldn't do that, would he?

"Oh, it's worse than I thought." He laughed, but there was no joy in it. "You really did fall for me hard. You thought it was real, didn't you?"

That was it. That laugh finally made it all sink in. In that moment, it was easier to feel anger than pain. She allowed the rage to take over, not caring anymore. She had never heard such cruel words in her life and she refused to hear anymore. The feeling of tears streaming down her face only added to her rage. She refused to shed another tear for this boy. She refused to play the victim ever again. Their time together may have been false, but the strength he'd awakened inside of her certainly wasn't and if he'd expected her to stand there in silence as he shamed her, he was dead wrong.

She raised her palm and slapped him hard across to face. "How dare you?" She asked, throwing everything she had into her words. Alistair stared back at her with his hand on his now red cheek, clearly shocked. "How dare you use me as some king of puppet, then trample all over my heart? You used me as a fucking bet, Alistair. That just... It's sick! What kind of man uses somebody that way? And do you want to know the worst part? I want to hate you so badly, but my stupid heart won't stop loving you. So, well done. You did really fucking well. I hope you're happy with your winnings, whatever they are."

With that, she turned and ran off into the woods behind her, a numb feeling beginning to overwhelm her. Just before she left, she could have sworn she saw Alistair's cold mask break as pain took over his face. _Don't doubt_ _yourself now_, she thought. _He doesn't love you. He never loved you. You were just a bet to him. Remember that. Doubting yourself won't help anybody._

As she ran through the trees she realised three things and knew they were true with absolute certainty. The first was that she would never forgive Alistair for what he had done to her. The second was that she loved him with all of her heart. And the third: she would never be weak again.

Serena made a promise to herself in that moment. She would carry on learning, carry on improving. Never again would anyone be able to advantage of her, or her heart. She could do it. Her family needn't know about her double life. She could be Lady Serena by day and someone else entirely at night.

Someone brave. Someone skilled. Someone strong.


	5. Change

**Just as a heads up, I know some people like it when things (like dialogue) go exactly like they did in the game, so if that's your thing, I'm sorry! I'm going to change the way things happened a bit from now on. Major events stay the same, but they might happen differently, so just go with it!**

**Thanks to anyone who's followed, favourited or reviewed! This is my first fanfic so it's really encouraging. **

**Enjoy!**

**-Katsa**

* * *

Chapter Five. Change

**Three years later.**

Elodie James was a woman on a mission. After nearly three weeks of searching, she'd finally found the man she was after. Now she sat in a darkened corner of the Red Sun Tavern with a mug of ale and her cloak's hood raised, watching. He couldn't see her, but Elodie didn't take her eyes off him.

The elusive man was Robert Reed. He was small, barely taller than Elodie herself. Slim, but not skinny. He didn't have a handsome face, but nor was he particularly unattractive. All in all, he appeared to be a wholly unremarkable man. But to one who knew better, this man was a monster. As the leader of a group of thugs known as The Shadows that had been terrorising the lower districts of Highever, Reed was responsible for dozens of deaths. In particular, those of people who could not afford the group's so-called 'protection'. Elodie almost couldn't believe the injustice of it. The real thing people needed protection from was the gang itself.

Reed was standing in a dimly lit corner, speaking quickly and purposefully to a man on his right. Elodie wished she knew what he was saying, but she didn't move any closer. It was probably important, but remaining incognito was the best course of action. The man Reed was talking to suddenly walked away, leaving him standing alone. Clearly that conversation was over.

Elodie finished the last of her ale, nodding at the elven barmaid. The barmaid nodded back, recognising her cue. They both watched as Reed's friend walked calmly towards the main doors. She couldn't be sure in the low light, but for a second, Elodie swore the man was somebody she recognised. He had a long, hooked nose and greying hair which looked eerily familiar. Before she had a chance to process that information, Reed left the tavern through a back door. Elodie shook herself. _Forget about him_, she told herself, _Reed is what's important_.

Standing from her table, she left a few coins to pay for her drink and followed him out the back door. They were in a deserted alleyway. Elodie carefully and slowly made her way up behind him. Mere inches away, her foot crunched on a piece of broken glass. Elodie winced at the sound. With little time, she sprang into action. Before Reed had a chance to turn, Elodie had a dagger pressed against the man's throat. She heard the sound of a second person opening and closing the door behind her as the barmaid followed her.

"Hello, Robert." Elodie whispered menacingly in the man's ear.

"Who the fuck are you?" Reed asked. He struggled for a moment against the blade, drawing blood.

"Elodie James." She replied, stopping Reed dead. She motioned to the barmaid who was in fact not a barmaid, but Elodie's elven friend, Alana. She began to tie Reed's feet up with rope.

"Oh, shit." The trapped man murmured, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down nervously.

"I assume you've heard of me, then?" Elodie asked. When Reed's feet were tied, she removed the dagger from it's position. "Alana, could you also do his hands for me? Nice and tight."

Alana nodded, pulling more rope out from under her barmaid's apron. When he was secured, the two women sat him down on the damp alley floor and stared at him.

"You're the bitch who's been taking all my men." Reed spat, staring daggers at Elodie. Elodie smiled as Alana laughed. 'Taking' was the nice way of putting it. In actual fact, a large proportion of Reed's men had been turning up outside the buildings of the City Guard each morning. They were bound, and often unconscious, but otherwise unharmed. More often than not, a note was attached to their chests detailing each man's crimes. They were signed at the bottom in curling script: _Elodie James. _

"The very same." Elodie acknowledged the man with a small curtsey. "I've been looking for you for a while now, Mr Reed. You were a hard man the track down." Reed opened his mouth to speak, but Elodie powered on. "But, now you're here and I'm afraid to say you're going to get no special treatment. After all, a leader and his men should suffer the same fate."

Robert Reed did not get a chance to reply. His mouth popped open as Elodie drew back her fist and delivered a swift, sharp punch to his face, knocking him out cold. Wincing, she shook her hand a few times, trying to throw off the pain.

"Nice shot, Serena!" Alana congratulated, dropping Serena's alias now that their target was unconscious. Serena smiled. Violence might not make her feel good, but she had to admit that it gave her a sense of satisfaction each time they tracked down another criminal. She couldn't say she felt any remorse for her actions.

"Thanks, Alana." She smiled up at the elven girl. After three years together, Serena and Alana were more than just a lady and her handmaiden. They were also friends. Although she had been apprehensive at first about her lady risking her life, Alana had soon gotten on board with Serena's hunt for criminals when it started a little over a year ago. She even helped to conceal Serena's activities from her family. Perhaps Alana's most ingenious idea was to give Serena a double-identity, turning Lady Serena Elodie Jae Cousland into Elodie James, thus keeping Serena's secret, and her life, safe.

"How much time do we have?" Serena asked. Her parents would notice if she was gone too long.

"Well your brother leaves at dusk so I'd say...none." Alana replied. Serena gasped, bringing her hand up to her mouth. She'd been so excited at finally finding Reed that she'd almost entirely forgotten about her brother's departure.

"Oh, Maker! Fergus leaves for Ostagar today?" She asked, running her hand through her dark hair. "We can't just leave The Shadows' leader tied up in an alley."

"You go." Alana said, placing a hand on Serena's shoulder and smiling kindly. "I'll finish up here. That is, if you think you can make yourself look presentable without me."

"Haha, very funny." Serena laughed sarcastically. "But seriously, thank-you, Alana."

Alana said nothing, but nodded. Serena smiled at her once more before pulling up her hood and leaving her with the unconscious criminal. Alana had followed Serena for long enough to know what she should do.

Pulling her cloak tight around herself to fend off the bitter Highever evening, Serena made her way home.

* * *

"There's my sister!" Fergus Cousland called, hugging Serena as she entered the courtyard. Fergus was already adding the last of his supplies to his horse. Serena felt suddenly very guilty. Her brother had been about to leave for Ostagar and she had almost missed it. "Where have you been? I've said my goodbyes already." He asked, holding her by her shoulders so he could look at her.

Serena had raced into her room barely ten minutes earlier. She'd thrown on the first dress she could find, put her hair into some semblance of a dignified style and run down to the courtyard to find her brother and a few of his men preparing to depart. She had no idea what she looked like, but hoped that her brother wouldn't notice anything amiss.

"I'm sorry, Fergus. I was walking in the gardens with Alana." Serena lied. It sometimes worried her how easy it was to do that nowadays. "I must have lost track of the time."

On another day, Fergus would have seen right through his sister's poor excuse, but today he was distracted. "Ah, well, you're here now and that's what matters."

Serena smiled gratefully. Her brother had always put her needs before his own. "I'll miss you, brother." Serena said, hugging him tightly. He returned the hug, but only for a moment. It wouldn't do well to show too much emotion in front of his men.

"Come on, Serena. If the reports are right, this isn't even a true Blight. I'll be back before you know it." He said. "That reminds me, before I forget, have you heard the news?"

Serena was curious. What news could there possibly be that was more important than her father and brother marching off to war? "No, what's happened?"

"There's a grey warden. Here. In the castle." Fergus said, leaning in excitedly. Serena's eyes widened in surprise. They'd both grown up on stories of the Grey Wardens and their quest to rid the world of darkspawn. It had all seemed so fantastical and unimaginable at the time that Serena could scarcely imagine meeting one in the flesh. She'd never thought she'd have the opportunity to.

"Really?" Serena asked, trying to conceal her excitement. She could think of no better quest than protecting her home from the Blight, but Alana was the only one who knew just how deadly Serena could be. Even her brother assumed that she'd given up that particular pastime years ago, seeing it as a phase. _No, the Grey Wardens_ _couldn't know about me, surely,_ she thought.

"Apparently he's here to test Ser Gilmore." Fergus said, confirming the fact that Serena's secret life was still safe. She wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed. On the one hand, a large proportion of the criminal population of Highever would be out for her blood if they knew who she really was. On the other, it would be so freeing to be able to tell the truth at last.

"I see." She sighed, trying to hide her emotions. She changed the subject quickly, fearing that Fergus might notice. "Anyway, night approaches. You should be one your way, shouldn't you?"

"Trying to get rid of me so quickly, sister?" Fergus laughed, ruffling her hair. He mounted his horse, looking down at his sister. "I'll miss you, Serena. Don't go getting into trouble."

"When was the last time I got into trouble?" Serena asked. The way that Fergus raised his eyebrows at her made her wonder. Perhaps he knew more about what trouble she got into than she had previously thought. Before she could say anything more, her brother galloped from the courtyard. His troops were waiting for him on the outskirts of Highever. As he left, Serena could not help the feeling that it would be a long time before she saw her brother again.

* * *

It had been a tedious evening. After her brother left, Serena had been forced to make smalltalk with some of the castle's current guests, from the overly friendly Arl Howe to Dairren, the boy who clearly had a crush on Serena. She'd only just managed to get away from a particularly awkward conversation with him in the study and was hiding in the servant's quarters. It was dark out. Alana would be back soon and Serena was looking forward to some better company.

She knew that she would have to return to her rooms soon, if only to change out of the overly tight dress her mother had forced her into for dinner. She had a feeling the choice had something to do with Eleanor's wish for Serena to finally marry. _If she thinks I'll turn down a king but I'll marry Dairren, she has another thing coming,_ Serena thought, smiling to herself.

For a moment, she thought she heard noises outside. It sounded like shouting and metal-on-metal. Frowning, Serena stood and made her way to the door. She pressed her ear against the wood, listening. Then, just as suddenly, the noises stopped. That was...odd. Serena took a few steps back from the door, feeling butterflies in her stomach. Something was wrong. Something was not alright.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Alana came rushing in, almost scaring Serena to death. She was bleeding from a head wound and was holding a kitchen knife, dripping with crimson liquid.

"Serena!" She yelled, shocked. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I-? What the-? I was waiting for you to come back." Serena stuttered, surprise and shock making speech difficult. "What's going on, Alana?"

"It's Arl Howe...and The Shadows...Serena, they're attacking the castle. Your father's men are dead." Alana choked out, gasping for breath. Serena realised that her friend was beginning to hyperventilate. She walked over to her slowly and removed the knife from Alana's shaking hand. The familiar stranger in the bar suddenly made sense. She could almost slap herself for not recognising the Arl at the time. She should have known that a group of thugs like The Shadows would be available for hire.

"Dammit!" She yelled, kicking the wall. "Father said that the Arl's troops had been delayed. I should have known there was something wrong."

Alana swallowed. It was her turn to comfort Serena. "You couldn't have known. Nobody did."

Serena nodded, but she wasn't sure she believed it. Still, she moved on for the sake of her sanity. "I have to find my mother and father." She said with a deep breath. She might not always agree with them, but she loved them more than they knew and she couldn't leave without knowing they were alright. "There's a way out through the kitchens. A secret passage. I think that's where my father would go to find me."

Alana nodded. Serena's reasoning was sound. They made their way through the dark passages of the servants' quarters to the kitchen. Serena noticed two unlucky men dead along the way, both with Howe emblems stamped across their chests. That explained Alana's blood knife. Serena was somewhat impressed. She'd never seen her friend fight before, but she'd clearly held her own against two soldiers.

They moved on quickly, their pace leaving Serena breathless. Still, she did not slow down. How could she when she with so much uncertainty hanging over her. Luckily, the kitchens were not far from Alana's room. Unluckily, they arrived to an awful sight.

Her father was lying bleeding upon the floor, clutching at an arrow protruding from his chest. Three dead Shadows were strewn around him.

"Serena!" He called, the effort it took to do so causing him to cough up blood. "I knew I'd find you here."

"Father!" Serena yelled, dropping to her knees beside him. The many layers of her skirts dulled the pain of landing on the hard stone floor, but nothing could ease the pain of seeing her father this way. She scooped him into her lap and reached out to touch the wounds, then thought better of it. She didn't know if her meddling would make things better or worse. Years ago, Serena had vowed never to feel helpless again, and yet here she was, unable to do anything. Panic swelled in her chest and sobs began to wrack her body. "No, no, no. What do I do? I don't know what I'm supposed to do!"

"Shh, my darling. There's nothing to be done." He said soothingly, reaching up to hold her cheek in his hand. Tears were streaming down Serena's cheeks, but she didn't care. "You must go, Serena. Leave the castle, leave Ferelden if you must, but please go."

"I can't leave you like this." Serena sobbed, although she could hear the sound of men drawing closer.

"I have lived a long and happy life, but it would have been nothing without you and Fergus. And do you know how you will honour that life?" Bryce asked, looking directly into Serena's eyes. "You will live, Serena. You will have your own happy life with your own children to fill it."

Serena nodded through the tears. Her father was right. There was nothing she could do for him now. Still, she couldn't control the fresh tears as he smiled up at her one last time. She wanted to tell him she loved him. She wanted to say she was sorry for not being the perfect daughter. But all she could do was smile back.

Bryce Cousland's body convulsed, bringing fresh sobs forth from Serena, then he stilled. Her father was dead. She had to sit there a moment to let that sink in. She rested her forehead against his, rocking slowly back and forth for what felt like an eternity.

"Serena!" Alana's scream forced Serena's gaze upwards. Two men were coming towards them, their weapons raised. Clearly, they were not friends. Serena felt a blind rage take over her body. Her father was still warm and these barbarians wanted to make her fight? Well, by the Maker, they were going to get a fight.

She wrenched two daggers from the back of one of the nearby dead Shadows, twirling them in her hands menacingly. They felt oddly familiar, but Serena had little time to focus on that now. The sight of the bloodied, armed Serena was enough to give the men pause. Their hesitation was all she needed.

She hurled one of the daggers at the closest man, aiming for his chest. It twirled end over end in the air, almost majestically, before sinking info it's target with a deep thump. Before the second man could register his comrades fate, Serena launched herself at him, jumping high and kicking him square in the chest. He collapsed backwards, Serena landing on top of him with one leg either side of his torso. She brought her remaining blade up high above her head, before plunging it into the Shadow's heart. He died instantly. For a moment, Serena simply sat there, breathing heavily.

"Serena?" Alana's quiet voice snapped her out of her rage. She looked down, seeing the dagger still protruding from the man's chest. With a great effort, she pulled it out. It was only then that she realised which particular blades they were. Long, double ended daggers with a green leather grip in the middle and scripture up each side. These blades had been locked in her chest since she was seventeen.

"They've been into my room." Serena whispered, feeling suddenly violated.

"What?" Alana asked, taking a step closer.

"They got these from my room." She repeated, louder this time. "They kill my family. They try to kill me. And then they ransack our home?"

Alana didn't reply for a long time, staring at the daggers. Finally, she looked up into Serena's eyes. "They're not going to leave anybody alive, are they?" She asked, her voice a little too high.

"The Arl wants my family dead. I don't think he wants any witnesses to that." Serena said slowly, looking up at Alana. She only realised the truth of her words as she spoke them. "You should go, Alana."

"What do you mean I should go? Aren't we both going?" She asked, looking confused.

"I can't, Alana. I have to find my mother, no matter what my father said, but you can go, Alana." Serena was almost begging now, taking Alana's hands. "Please, Alana. This isn't your fight. You have to go."

Alana looked conflicted. Her voice was shaking as she spoke. "Serena, come with me. I can't just leave you here."

"You can and you will." Serena replied, her voice firm. "As your Lady, I order you to go."

Serena had never given Alana an order before, but she hadn't needed to before now. Still, now she had said it and Alana couldn't refuse. Her eyes filled with tears as she nodded once. Serena pulled her in close for a hug.

"I will see you again, my friend." She whispered, squeezing her elven friend tight. They broke apart and shared one final look before heading in their separate directions, Alana to freedom and Serena into the belly of the beast.

* * *

Serena made her way to the armoury without incident, using the deserted servant's staircase. As she got closer, she heard the sounds of fighting. Men shouting and swords clashing. Serena tried to take a few deep breaths to calm herself. She may have been facing down men for years now, but never an army out for her blood. _You're_ _strong, Serena, you can do this_, she told herself. Gripping her daggers tightly in her hands, she rounded the corner.

She saw two groups fighting. On one side, her father's men defended the armoury. On the other, a group of Shadows attacked them, obviously very keen to get their hands on some valuable weapons. Serena was scared. She was alone. But she was also very, very angry. She focused on this anger as she threw herself into the chaos.

The two closest men never even knew Serena had been there. She ran at them and plunged a single blade into each of their backs, the force knocking them over and taking Serena with them. She rolled as she hit the ground, using the manoeuvre to pull the daggers free. Not missing a beat, she swung her leg out, knocking the another man to the floor. Using the flat edge of a dagger, she struck him on the side of his head, knocking him unconscious.

She stood, reassessing the situation. Only two Cousland men remained standing, although they had dispatched all but one of the Shadows. Serena walked over calmly to wear they were fighting. She kicked the thug in the back of his legs, knocking him to his knees. Serena grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him backwards, slamming his head into the stone floor. He wouldn't die, but he would wake up with the mother of all headaches.

"Lady Serena?" One of the castle soldiers asked, reminding Serena that they were still there. She looked up to see two very shocked men staring back at her. "How did you-" he began, but Serena cut him off. She had no time to explain.

"Where is my mother?" She asked, hoping they recognised the urgency in her voice.

"Sh-she was headed to the main hall." The soldier stuttered, clearly confused. "She was looking for you."

"Thank you." She replied, taking off running and ignoring their pleas for her to wait. She nearly tripped over her dress several times on the way, but didn't stop. She knew it would have been more sensible to change into some armour before leaving the armoury, but she couldn't. Her father was dead, her brother was missing, Alana was gone. She needed, desperately needed, her mother. Now.

She came storming into the main hall, trying to ignore the scene of carnage and look solely for Eleanor. There were so many moving bodies in the room, Serena could barely distinguish one from another, let alone find her mother. She felt desperation begin to well up in her chest and she tried to crush to feeling. She knew as well as the next person that desperate people are dangerous.

Taking a few deep, calming breaths, Serena moved forward. She couldn't tell who was who, which people were her enemies and which were her friends. Men lunged at her left and right. She simply fought for her life, cutting her way through the crowd of people. Some she knocked unconscious, others she killed. More often than not, she couldn't tell which she'd done. She just carried on slashing and striking.

After what seemed like an age, the crowd finally seemed to thin. Taking a quick head count, Serena realised that the battle was going in her favour. _Thank the Maker,_ she thought. Her arms were tired, her emotions were battered and she wasn't sure she could take much more. Just when she was about to give up hope, she saw her.

"Mother!" She shouted across the room, seeing Eleanor Cousland fighting like a seasoned warrior, a blade in each hand. _She fights like me,_ Serena realised, feeling suddenly proud. Her moment of serenity was broken when she saw a man's blade headed straight for her mother's neck. _Not again_, she thought, flinging her blade across the room as hard as she could. It struck the man in the neck, sinking in deep and releasing a fountain of blood. Eleanor's head snapped up, looking for her saviour. Her face broke into an expression of pure relief when she saw her daughter.

Serena ran for her, not caring who was in her way. She pushed and shoved her way across the room, removing all obstacles, until she was within reach of her mother. Amidst all of the chaos, Serena threw herself into her waiting arms.

"Serena, my darling girl." Eleanor murmured, stroking her daughter's hair. "I thought for certain you were..."

"I'm fine, mother, I'm fine. You're fine." Serena repeated over and over, squeezing Eleanor tight.

"Have you seen your father?" Eleanor asked, pulling back to look in Serena's eyes.

Serena looked away, unable to meet her mother's eyes. "He...he didn't make it." She said, her voice cracking. Eleanor's hand flew to her mouth and she took a few steps back.

"Oh, Bryce, no." She whispered against her fingers, closing her eyes. She stayed that way for a long moment and Serena said nothing. It was a miracle neither of them were attacked, as they wouldn't have been in any state to defend themselves. At last, Eleanor took a deep breath and opened her eyes. "We have to go." Was all she said.

Serena nodded, looking around them as she retrieved her dagger from the man's back. Men were still fighting, but there were gaps now. She pointed towards the way she had come. "That way. There's a way out."

Eleanor nodded, grabbing her daughter's hand and leading her through the fray. They dodged and weaved, avoiding the fighting as best they could. When they were mere feet from the doorway, Serena felt a hand wrap around her ankle and went tumbling to the ground. She landed hard on the cold stone floor, the force knocking the wind out of her. Her head snapped back, hitting the ground with an awful crack. Her vision blurred and her ears began to ring as a voice from years ago drifted through her head. _Serena, you have to be aware of your surroundings. _

_Shut up. _She told the voice, firmly. _I shouldn't have trusted you then and I certainly won't be taking_ _any_ _lectures from you now._ Pleased with herself, Serena pushed the voice away into the far corners of her mind, focusing on the present. She blinked a few times, trying to make her vision clearer, but her eyelids felt heavy.

"Serena!" She heard a voice screaming. "Serena, darling, look at me."

_Mother_, Serena realised. She tried to lift her arms but they felt heavy. A dark shadow was starting to loom behind her mother. "Look out!" She tried to yell, but all that came out was a long groan. The shadow grew closer, but her mother couldn't see it. Panic bubbled in Serena's chest. _Oh, Maker! Mother, turn around, please!_ The shape drew back a long, silver object, high. A dagger.

"Mother!" Serena finally managed to yell, breaking through her own delirium. It was too late. The dagger was thrust between Eleanor's shoulder blades with an awful slick sound. Serena screamed, unable to take in the horror of it all. The dark shape, which had now taken form as one of Howe's men, pulled the blade from her mother's back. Eleanor rolled to the side, limp and lifeless. Her death was instant, not long and drawn out like that of Bryce. Serena would later feel thankful for that small mercy.

For now, she had little time to grieve her mother's death. The soldier's attention turned to Serena, who's coordination was still not at it's best. Her fingers felt fat and unresponsive. They refused to grip the daggers which lay on the floor beside her. The soldier pulled back his own blade high above his head, ready to land a killing blow. I'm going to die, Serena realised, closing her eyes and feeling suddenly calm. Serena comforted herself with the realisation that at least it would all be over as she waited for the killing blow.

It never came. There was a clattering of metal and Serena's eyes flew open. A man in beautiful grey armour with dark hair tackled Howe's soldier, knocking him away from Serena. He looked to be a middle aged man with a small ponytail who fought like he'd been born to do so. Serena watched with awe as he dispatched the soldier with little effort, striking him with his shield before stabbing him in the stomach. He then turned to face Serena, holding out his hand to help her up.

She stared at it for a moment, unsure if she should take it. Any trust Serena had in strangers had been destroyed by the night's events. But then she realised, she had nothing left to lose. _Mother and father are dead._ _My home is destroyed. What more can they do to me?_ She reached out and took the man's hand, finally managing to pick up her daggers as she stood.

"Thank you." She said, unable to think of anything better. What was the proper etiquette when somebody saved your life?

"I would not thank me yet." He said, ominously. "What is your name?"

Serena opened her mouth to answer honestly, then closed it again. She thought for a moment. She was alone in the world and at this precise moment in time, the name Cousland did not seem to be a fortunate title. Perhaps it was best to keep her heritage to herself. "Elodie James." She replied, quickly. "I'm the lady-in-waiting to Lady Serena." She then added for good measure. "I fear my lady has been killed in the attack."

"This is a truly terrible night." The man said, gravely.

"It is...sir." Serena fumbled with her words, trying to remember how the servants in the castle addressed people.

"That's rather a fine dress for a lady's maid." The man remarked, gesturing to Serena's attire.

"My lady and I are the same size." Serena answered, smoothly. "I often wear the dresses for fittings. It saves her the boredom."

The stranger nodded, obviously accepting her answer. Serena almost sighed in relief. "I saw you in battle earlier. You fight like a true warrior, Elodie." He said and Serena's eyes widened.

"My father taught me." Serena lied although her brain felt frazzled and she was struggling to keep up. "He said that I should never rely on anybody else to protect my life except me." These were Serena's own words, not her father's, but the man seemed to believe her. Serena felt relief as he finally moved on. She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep up the charade with questions constantly battering her.

The man opened his mouth to reply, but was cut short when an arrow came whizzing out of nowhere straight into his leg. He cried out in pain and Serena whirled around, spotting the nearby bowman. _Big mistake_, she thought, running towards him. He barely had time to look surprised as she thrust her dagger out, landing a killing blow. The man sank to the ground.

Turning back, Serena returned to the stranger. He had saver her life, she at least had to see if he was alright. He lay on the floor, clutching his leg.

"Can you stand?" She asked, crouching down next to him. He tried to stand, but failed. She could see an expression of resignation come over his face.

"Elodie, you must listen to me carefully." He spoke quickly and urgently. "My name in Duncan, commander of the Grey Wardens here in Ferelden." Serena gasped. This was the Grey Warden her brother had spoken of. "It is of the utmost importance that a message gets to Ostagar. Both of what has happened to me and the Cousland family. Can you do that for me, Elodie?"

Serena looked around herself. Men were still fighting, fires were beginning to blaze and she couldn't bring herself to look down at her mother's lifeless form. There was nothing left for her here, but she'd be damned if she would leave another person to die tonight.

"You can tell them yourself." Serena said, hooking his arm over her shoulders. "I'll get you to Ostagar." With a great effort, she heaved to man to his feet. He seemed to be able to stand with her aid.

"Elodie James." Duncan said in wonderment. "I will be forever in your debt for this."

Serena smiled grimly up at him. "Let's start with surviving. Then we can talk about what debts we owe one another."

She supported him to the staircase she had used to come looking for her mother, trying hard to convince herself that it had not been a wasted journey. They had to fight their way down the stairs, Serena using her pain and anger to her advantage once more. She spun, kicked and stabbed her way through, as Duncan leaned against the wall. In truth, she needed to distract herself from her emotions and fending off attackers was as good a way as any.

Serena didn't look at her father's body when they entered the kitchens. If she saw it again, she was sure she might break. They stepped around him, leaving him there on the cold kitchen floor. It killed Serena to leave her parents' bodies this way, but she knew that trying to move them would be pointless. Her body would only join their's on the floor.

"It's in here." She said at last, opening the pantry door. They both entered, closing it behind them. Serena moved over to a large cabinet which stood just a little out from the wall, revealing a small, dark tunnel. She felt a spark of happiness inside her. If the tunnel was open then Alana had escaped. Between her best friend and her brother, Serena knew that two of her loved ones had survived the night. The load on her shoulders suddenly felt a little lighter.

The tunnel looked damp and smelled foul, but that didn't bother her now. If she wasn't alone in the world, then Serena knew that she could carry on. Lifting a torch off the wall, she turned to Duncan.

"This isn't going to be pleasant." She said, smiling grimly.

"My life rarely is." He replied cryptically, motioning for her to continue. Serena nodded, then stooped low, entering the tunnel. It was long and her back was beginning to ache before she saw the sliver of light at the end. All the while, she could hear the sounds of chaos above her and Duncan's pained breathing beside her.

When they emerged, it was nearly dawn. The dark sky was tinged with a touch of pink. The tunnel let out onto a large meadow just beyond the castle grounds where the wind rustled through the flowers at Serena's feet and trees gently swayed to and fro. It was as though an artist had captured the perfect morning. Serena could only stop and stare.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Duncan asked, leaning more heavily on her now.

"I didn't expect it to be so calm." Serena said, almost to herself. "After what I just saw, I guess I just thought it would be...I don't know, different."

"The Maker sometimes has to show us destruction so that we can appreciate serenity." Duncan said softly. "Come, child, there is a long way to go. We must find horses and provisions before we leave."

Serena nodded, turning away from the beautiful scene and heading off into the dark with the Grey Warden.


	6. Healed

**Hi there!**

**Sorry it's been a while since I last updated, I was on holiday! I only got back yesterday so this one's slightly shorter, but I promise to put up a new chapter really soon. **

**Thanks again to any reviews or follows!**

**-Katsa**

* * *

Six. Healed

"Are you alright?" Serena asked, breaking the silence that she and Duncan had been holding around the campfire. He looked up from his leg, where he had been cleaning his wound. The arrow appeared to have done no damage that time and good care wouldn't heal, but Serena was no healer. For all she knew, Duncan would die on their journey and she'd have to carry his message to Ostagar alone.

"I believe I will be." He replied, simply.

"I could pay for a caravan for you." Serena offered. "You needn't stay on the road with me. I could send you to Ostagar in comfort."

"And what would happen to you, Elodie?" Duncan asked, raising his eyebrows sceptically.

"Trust me, I'd be alright."

"No, I would like _you_ to take me to Ostagar." Something about the way he emphasised the word 'you' piqued Serena's curiosity. Why was it so important that she be the one to take him? Before she could ask, he moved back to tending his leg and the moment was lost. She was distracted by Duncan meddling with his leg.

"Does it hurt?" Serena asked, unable to look away from the large wound. It had scabbed over, but still looked incredibly painful. She knew her words were probably unhelpful, but she said them anyway. In truth, the silence left her stuck in her own head, and that wasn't a pleasant place to be in that moment. So, she distracted herself.

"I have felt much worse pain in my life, Elodie, I assure you." He replied, his expression grim. There was something about the way he said it. Serena knew she shouldn't ask, she knew that it could be too personal, but she couldn't help herself. Genuine curiosity had arisen. She knew nothing of the man who had saved her life, and whose life she'd saved in return.

"I get the feeling that you don't mean physical pain." She said, her voice quiet as she fiddled with her hands.

He said nothing for a moment, looking into the flames between them. His expression was unreadable. Finally, he looked up and met Serena's eyes. "I didn't." He said, sighing. "My life has not been an easy one, Elodie. If I am truly honest with myself, I largely have myself to blame for that."

"You do?" Serena asked, slightly surprised. In the week she'd known Duncan, he had appeared to be a confident leader. He had shown no signs of regret or weakness. It had never occurred to her that his life before Serena knew him may have been an unpleasant one.

"I made many mistakes in my youth." Duncan said, no longer looking at Serena. She wondered if he'd forgotten that she was even there. "My induction into the Grey Wardens came from one of my greatest mistakes."

The far off look that he had in his eye in that moment was enough to stop Serena in her tracks. He looked so...haunted. Perhaps her head wasn't such a bad place to be compared to his. She decided to change the subject slightly.

"What is it like? To be a Grey Warden, I mean." She said, curious about the men who'd filled her childhood tales. Duncan started, seeming to remember where he was. He blinked a few times, looking back at her with clearer eyes than before.

"It is the greatest honour and the greatest sacrifice." He said, staring into Serena's eyes. The way he looked at her, so certain and so sure, was enough to make her hairs stand on end. As though he wanted, needed her to understand his words. "When you become a Grey Warden, you become more than you once were. For that reason, I am eternally grateful to be what I am, no matter the cost."

Serena wanted to say more. She wanted to ask questions and talk endlessly, but instead she simply sat there, staring into the fire. _More than you once were_. For some reason, the words resonated with her. Now, more than ever, she didn't want to return to what she was. Serena Cousland had to live a double-life, one full of lies and deceit. The girl she was pretending to be, Elodie James, was a total fabrication. Maker knew she couldn't be her forever. _Perhaps I don't have to be either_, she thought, _perhaps I can be something more than both_.

"Come, child," Duncan said gently, interrupting her thoughts, "get some rest. It is a long way to Ostagar."

* * *

Alistair was sparring when he heard the news. Over three weeks had passed since Duncan had set out in search of recruits and the rest of the wardens were, understandably, beginning to worry. Their commander was due to return after a week, two at the most. Yet, he seemed to be missing without a word. The battle was drawing near and without him, they felt scattered and confused.

Alistair was no exception. He couldn't help but feel frustrated by it all. His friend was missing, possibly dead, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. It hung over him like a cloud of worry. He was putting these frustrations into a rather vigorous fight with a fellow Grey Warden, Benjamin, when an elven boy came racing towards them. They looked up, lowering their weapons as he approached.

"Alistair Therin?" The boy asked, panting heavily.

"Yes?" Alistair asked, lowering his practice sword and wiping the sweat from his brow.

"You told me to bring news the second the Warden Commander returned." The boy gasped, trying to get all of his words out quickly. Alistair felt a jolt of excitement. Duncan.

"Where?" Alistair practically shouted, feeling compelled to grab the boy in his urgency.

"The Warden Commander was injured. He is being seen to, but I believe that his companion is in the northern stables." The boy replied, able to speak more clearly now he had gotten his breath back.

"Injured?" Alistair repeated, worried.

"Companion?" Benjamin asked.

"Duncan arrived with a stranger. They were hooded and I couldn't see their face." The boy looked down apologetically.

"Thank you." Alistair said, handing the boy a few coins for his troubles. The elf nodded his head and left in a run once more. Alistair knew that the boy would have to hand the money to his master if it were found, but if he managed to hide the coins then perhaps he could use them for some extra food or clothing.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Benjamin asked, looking to Alistair expectantly.

"What do you mean?" Alistair asked, confused.

"You've been waiting for news of Duncan for weeks and now you're just going to stand here?" Benjamin asked, raising an eyebrow sceptically. "You find the commander and I'll go see who this mysterious hooded stranger is." He laughed.

Alistair smiled at his friend and nodded. Benjamin patted Alistair on the shoulder before heading off at a jog through the ruined fortress of Ostagar. Alistair took a more leisurely pace. If Duncan was injured, he would have been taken to the medical tent within the Warden encampment, not far from where Alistair was. It took him little time to get there. He peaked into the flap of the tent, then cautiously made his way in.

"Only those who need attention are permitted in here." A woman in mage's clothing said, walking up to him expectantly. She had greying hair an a stern expression. "Are you hurt?"

"Well, I..." Alistair stuttered, struggling to think. He was trying to spot Duncan. "Yes, I believe I might be ill."

The woman pressed a hand against his forehead. "You don't feel warm." She said, suspicion clear in her eyes. Alistair wasn't paying attention. He'd just spotted Duncan sitting on a makeshift stretcher. A mage was finishing some form of spell on his leg, but he appeared to be in otherwise good condition.

"Duncan." He said, brushing off the elderly mage. He ignored her protests as he strode over to the Warden Commander. Duncan looked up as he approached, smiling but looking a little surprised.

"Alistair." He said, thanking the mage as he finished his work. The mage bowed slightly and took his leave, giving Alistair a dirty look as he left. "That was...speedy."

"I'm sorry for my intrusion, Duncan, but we heard you were injured."

"I am fine, Alistair." Duncan chuckled, smiling and gesturing to his now healed leg. "I was fortuitous enough to come across somebody at Highever with a kind heart. I owe her my life."

Alistair's stomach felt as though it slammed into his heart. Highever. He hadn't known that Duncan would be venturing there. Of course, Duncan wouldn't have thought it important to mention it. He didn't know of Alistair's past with that place. Nobody did. Dread washed over him like ice cold water as he took in his commander's words. Duncan was attacked in Highever. In _her_ home.

He cleared his throat and tried to squash his thoughts. "What happened at Highever?" He asked, his voice a little too high.

Duncan's smile faded and his grim expression made Alistair feel queasy. "I suppose you're probably all going to find out eventually." He began in hushed tones. "Arl Howe has shown himself to be a traitor. He attacked the castle and the Cousland family, although to what end I am not yet certain. A lady's maid by the name of Elodie James helped me to escape so I could bring this message."

Alistair's mouth dropped open and felt clumsy when he replied. "What happened to them? To the Cousland's?" He asked, both fearing and anticipating the answer.

Duncan's only response was to shake his head regretfully. Alistair stared at him for a longtime. He had expected to feel pain, but instead a sudden numbness overtook him. Serena was dead. His mind simply couldn't process that information, so it went on autopilot. He heard Duncan's next words as though he was calling down a very long tunnel.

"Grave news indeed, but we must move on. I have a task for you, Alistair." Duncan said, changing the subject. "I need you to take the recruits on a trip into the Wilds tomorrow. Items of vital importance are located there. I would go myself, but I have urgent matters to attend to."

Alistair nodded, slowly, words escaping him. _Serena is dead_.

"Good. I have a list of the items which must be collected." Duncan pulled out a crumpled note from his satchel. Alistair took in and scanned the page, but didn't read the words. "Do you understand, Alistair?"

Alistair shook himself. "Yes, commander." He responded, trying to sound sure. They said their goodbyes and Alistair hoped that Duncan didn't notice anything too odd as he left the tent. He didn't stop walking once outside, but carried on. He walked through the ruins, past mages and Templars and soldiers until he reached a deserted area overlooking a small forest.

He sat down on the cold stone, just as a small patter of rain began to fall. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to be alone with his thoughts for just a few moments, then there were things to be done.

* * *

Serena was just leaving the stables as the rain began to fall. She felt a single drop on her nose, then a few more on her face and arms. She looked up to see dark, ominous clouds overhead, rain falling from them slowly at first, then heavier and heavier. Before long, she was soaked. It was in that moment that she finally realised the ridiculousness of it all and began to laugh.

"Oh, you do have a sense of humour, don't you?" She chuckled, looking up at the sky and throwing her hands in the air. "You take my family from me. My home. I have no idea where to find my brother or friend. But at least you have the good grace, my beloved Maker, to put me in a pretty dress and clean me up."

A deep rumble of thunder rolled through the sky as lightening flashed far in the distance. "Get angry with me all you like." She scoffed, folding her arms and looking up. "It won't change the fact that I'm done with you. You can go to the Black City for all I care because I refuse to be your toy anymore."

Satisfied, she gathered her cloak around herself, scooped up her limited belongings in one arm and began to make her way back to the main camp. She considered pulling her hood up, but decided that she liked the feeling of the cool rain on her face, stinging her cuts. With her free hand, she rubbed at her face, using the rain to wash the dirt and grime away.

On the journey with Duncan, she'd found a small stream in which she washed off all the blood and gore, but keeping oneself clean on the road is difficult, to say the least. Serena had braided her hair into a long plait down her back to keep it out of the way, but now she undid it, letting the water soak her dark hair. She'd considered cutting it for ease, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Her mother had never allowed her to have short hair and now, as I turned out, she didn't want it.

Serena only had herself to blame for not noticing the wet sloshing of footsteps behind her. She was so distracted by her own thoughts that her heart nearly leapt out of her chest when somebody tapped her on the shoulder. Acting on instinct, she dropped her belongings, including the two daggers that had been wrapped in clog, whirled around and grabbed the hand. She twisted hard, bringing the stranger behind to his knees with a yelp. It was a man with brown hair and chain mail armour.

"Stop!" He yelled, using his free hand to reach out and grab her ankles. Before she could react, Serena felt him pull hard and she slipped on the wet ground, falling with a wet slop into the mud. She felt the blades beneath her back, pressing in hard, and reached underneath herself to grab them.

"Look, I'm not-" The man began, but Serena cut him off as she jumped up and pressed a blade against his throat.

"Who are you?" She yelled over the rain.

"Woah there, little lady." He replied, holding up his hands. "I'm not here to hurt you."

"Don't call me that." Serena said, pressing the blade a little harder. "Trust me, I've had a pretty awful time recently and I'm not in the mood for games."

"I'm Benjamin Lock of the Grey Wardens." He said with, to Serena's surprise, a smile. "And who, may I ask, is the beautiful woman threatening to kill me?"

Serena's mouth popped open. "Are you...flirting with me?"

"Is it working?" He laughed, bringing one hand up and carefully pushing the dagger away from his throat. Sensing no immediate danger, Serena allowed him to do so. "Can we talk somewhere where we're less likely to drown?"

Serena nodded and the man, Benjamin, helped her collect her things and led her over to an area covered by a large slab of rock. She kept a tight grip on her daggers, not willing to relinquish them quite yet. He remained silent for a minute, just looking at her.

"What?" She asked at last, unable to take the scrutiny.

"I'm sorry, it just...You're not what I was expecting." He mused, running a hand through his hair and shrugging.

"Expecting?" Serena repeated, confused. Who on earth had been expecting her?

"Well, I was expecting Duncan to bring back a new recruit for the wardens." He answered, folding his arms across his chest. "Not some girl in a dress."

"Excuse me?" Serena asked, incredulous. After all she'd been through, this boy had the nerve to call her 'some girl'.

"Well, I'm sorry miss, but you're in a soaking wet silk dress." He said, gesturing to her and smirking. "From where in standing, it looks like you're going to be more of a hindrance than a help."

Serena snapped. It was one thing for the Maker to taunt her, it was quite another for a stranger who knew nothing about her. She felt anger well up inside her and then bubble over the surface. Before she'd realised what she was doing, she drew back her fist and punched Benjamin Lock hard on the nose. His head flicked back and he stumbled into the rain, water mixing with the now flowing blood.

"I never came here to be a recruit." Serena shouted, advancing towards him. "I came here because I saved your commander's life and he saved mine. If that's a problem to you, then I suggest you stay away from me."

"You punched me!" Benjamin shouted in shock, his voice overly nasally as he pinched his nose.

"You were being an ass." Serena replied, matter-of-factly.

"Look, all I'm saying is this is a pretty awful place to bring somebody." He explained, his voice a little more sincere now. "Duncan could have paid any random traveller to drop him off here. Probably would have been quicker, too. So why didn't he? Why did he bring you?"

Serena's mouth opened and closed a few times. He had a point. A good one, too. "I don't know." She replied, almost to herself.

With that, she turned on her heels and left him standing there with rain and blood running down his face, still holding her belongings. She didn't care. She left him with the food and blankets, tucking her daggers beneath her cloak.

Serena hadn't realised where she was heading until she arrived. The medical tent which she'd taken Duncan to earlier loomed through the rain as she approached. Opening the flap, she walked inside, ignoring the strange looks she received from mages. She spotted Duncan walking around and testing am apparently newly healed leg. Brushing off the questions of an elderly woman, she strode over to him, her purpose now clear in her mind.

"Why am I here, Duncan?" She asked and he looked up in surprise. When he realised who had spoken, he waved off the nearby mages and Templars who had advanced towards Serena suspiciously.

"What do you mean?" He asked, confusion in his eyes.

"You were adamant that I stay with you. Why?" She asked, her voice sounding far stronger than she felt.

"I will answer your questions, Elodie, but first-"

"Serena." She cut him off. Duncan looked confused for a moment, before realisation sparked in his eyes.

"Serena? Serena Cousland?" He asked, amazed.

"I promise to be honest with you if you're honest with me." Serena said, nodding her head once. Although she wouldn't be spreading the news of her arrival around the camp, there was little point trying to keep her secret from Duncan. "Did you bring me here to become a Grey Warden?" She asked, trying to hide her bubbling emotions.

Duncan stared at her for a long time, his expression unreadable. "Yes." He said at last. He then asked a question of his own. "Are you Serena Cousland?"

"I am." She replied. "Do I have a choice about this?"

"Yes." Duncan's one word echoed in Serena's head. This was it. A choice. Join the Grey Wardens and become more than the battered and broken Serena Cousland. Or choose to leave and live a life of anger and vengeance. It was a difficult choice.

She wanted revenge, like she'd never wanted anything before, but could she allow herself to be consumed by it? She was so full of hatred and pain. This person wasn't who she was. Who she had been. She had been the girl who hunted the criminals to protect, not to hurt. She had been the girl who wanted to be strong and not give in to the things that happened to her. She had been that girl until Howe attacked her home. She wanted to be that girl again.

"I accept your offer." She said, feeling a weight she hadn't know was there lifting from her shoulders.


	7. Conflict

**Between my internet and my laptop, uploading anything recently has been a nightmare so I'm really sorry. All that's fixed now, so I have no excuses anymore. You have my full permission to pester me all you like if I don't upload often enough for you!**

**-Katsa**

Seven. Conflict

Serena looked down at the piece opaper in her hands. On it, Duncan had made a list of the equipment she would have to acquire. The small coin purse he had given her rattled against her hip, slightly lighter than before. Armour and weaponry had already been purchased: a set of dark blue, leather armour and an elegant bow, with several arrows. Had she had her usual available funds, perhaps she would have splashed out on something between more extravagant, but she had decided against it. The armour fit well enough and she already had her daggers, so the bow didn't need to be a thing of wonder. Practicality was what she was aiming for.

Wandering around, she was greeted by strangers, but none recognised her. She had not begun to shout her name from the rooftops, but nor was she concealing her identity anymore. She'd told Duncan that, if she was going to become a true Grey Warden, she would do it as herself. Not Elodie James and not Lady Cousland, just Serena. If anyone was to inquire as to who she was, that was her answer.

A small drop of rain landed on her list, reminding Serena of the task at hand. All that remained to be purchased were a few potions. She looked around herself, wondering where on earth she would find them. Trial and error in finding the right vendor meant that purchasing these items was taking much longer than she'd anticipated. The sky was growing dark and she needed to have purchased everything soon, or else miss out on the trip with the other recruits at dawn.

"Excuse me, miss?" Serena whipped around at the sound of a familiar voice. Benjamin Lock, the Grey Warden she'd encountered that morning, stood behind her. He was beaming wide, although Serena could see dark bruising around his eyes and nose. Her own hand ached and she felt suddenly guilty. "You look a little lost."

"Looks can be deceiving." She replied, trying to sound more confident than she felt.

"Don't I know it." Benjamin muttered and Serena's eyes instantly flickered to his damaged face. She had the distinct impression that he was referring to her. "Look, do you want my help or not?" He asked, holding out his hand for the list. Serena pressed it into his palm, cautiously.

"Why would you want to help me?" She asked, eyes narrowed. They hadn't exactly had the most amicable of meetings that morning.

"Because Duncan tells me that you are in fact our new recruit." He said, shrugging his shoulders and folding his arms. "What's a broken nose among Wardens?"

Benjamin sounded a little bitter. Serena felt guilt well up in her stomach. She had punched a Grey Warden and, if she was truly honest with herself, he hadn't deserved it.

"Look, Benjamin, I'm sorry about that. I was...having a bad day." She sighed, stumbling over her words slightly. Benjamin's face spread into a grin.

"See, I knew we could be friends." He smirked, his expression triumphant. "How about we try again? Benjamin Lock, at your service." He said, holding out his hand to her. Serena took it and shook firmly, trying and failing to hide a smile.

"Serena." She replied, shaking firmly.

"Serena...?" Benjamin asked, waiting for her to continue.

"Just Serena." She smiled, releasing his hand.

"Well, Just Serena," Benjamin said, turning to walk and shouting over his shoulder, "let's go find you some poultices."

Serena smiled. She liked Benjamin and that surprised her. _Perhaps he knows what has happened to_ _Fergus_, she thought. But then she realised, _No, you may like him but you can't trust him. If you start asking questions of others, then perhaps they will start asking questions of their own._ Serena had asked Duncan if he knew anything of her brother, but he would tell her nothing until she returned from her task the following morning. She would have to wait. Hurrying to catch up to Benjamin, she hoped that the wait wouldn't be too long.

* * *

Alistair awoke early. In truth, he wasn't sure he'd slept much. His mind had drifted between various images of a blue eyed girl. In the woods, by the stream, on the floor with glassy, unseeing eyes._ Stop_, he told himself firmly, _you have work to do._

Sighing heavily, Alistair sat up, running his hand through his short hair. He shook his head and tried to feel the same numbness he'd felt yesterday. It wasn't working. There was too much going on in his head to feel nothing. Before he got lost in his thoughts again, he stood and began dressing in his armour. The recruits would be waiting for him.

Emerging from his tent, he came face to face with Benjamin. "Woah, who died?" Benjamin asked upon seeing his expression, laughing at his own joke.

"Move, Ben." Alistair grunted, shoving his friend aside.

"Have you met the new recruit?" Benjamin asked, ignoring Alistair's gruffness and jogging to catch up with him.

"There's another?" Alistair asked, genuinely curious.

"Yeah, it's a girl." He said, smiling mischievously. "A pretty girl."

Alistair rolled his eyes, smiling. His friend was a good distraction. "Really, Ben? Is she also the one that gave you a black eye?"

Benjamin's cheeks grew red. It was her, Alistair realised, surprised. He silently congratulated this new recruit. Somebody had to punch Ben every so often. "Well, I was going to offer to go get her for you, but if you're going to be like that then-"

"Please, dear Benjamin, would you go and fetch the new recruit." Alistair asked sarcastically, layering his voice with a mock pleading tone. Although he joked, Alistair knew that it would actually be a big help. This new recruit would probably not have gotten the message to meet at the gate and if Benjamin found her for him, it would save a lot of time.

"Well, since you asked so nicely." Benjamin laughed, punching Alistair on the shoulder and jogging off. Alistair's smile faded once he was left alone with his thoughts again_. Keep moving_, he told himself, don't _think, just act._

He made his way to the meeting point. Daveth and Jory were waiting, deep in some discussion about the pros and cons of marriage.

"How can you be sure? One woman for the rest of your life." Daveth groaned in dismay.

"If she loves you and you love her, then Maker knows you shouldn't let her go." Jory replied, smiling knowingly.

"But just one-"

"Recruits." Alistair shouted, a little more sternly than he'd meant. The two men jumped. Alistair cleared his throat and tried again. "Are you ready?"

"Do we have a choice?" Jory asked, looking a little pale.

"No." Alistair replied, folding his arms and trying to look more menacing than he felt.

"Then I guess we're ready, eh Jory?" Daveth smiled, nudging Jory and laughing.

"We're just waiting for one other recruit." Alistair muttered, starting to pace backwards and forwards.

"There's another recruit?" Jory asked, surprised.

"Yes, she should be here soon." Alistair sighed, tired of questions.

"She?" Daveth repeated, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Alistair simply rolled his eyes and looked away, a lack of sleep wearing his patience thin. The two recruits continued talking as though nothing had happened.

Just when Alistair was ready to snap at them to stop their mindless chatter, he spotted Benjamin. He was jogging towards the group gathered at the entrance to the Wilds, smiling at the small figure beside him. From this distance, Alistair could barely see anything, except jet black hair braided in a long plait which was bouncing as she ran. Benjamin seemed to be laughing at something she'd said. As they grew closer, Alistair could just begin to make out the girl's features.

As he did, he had to blink a few times. _This is it,_ Alistair thought_, I've finally snapped. I've gone insane. _He knew it was true, because the person he saw running towards him couldn't possibly be there. She was dead. Serena Cousland was dead.

As the pair approached, Serena finally made eye contact with him and Alistair's mouth popped open. He knew then that this was no hallucination. The Serena that stood before him wasn't the one he had known three years ago. It wasn't the girl who haunted his memories. She looked older. Something in her eyes had changed. He had forgotten how shockingly blue they were, but what really struck him was the coldness he saw there. She had never looked at him like that before. Not even the last time he'd seen her. Had he done that? Or something else?

She seemed to be frozen still. Not moving towards him, but not backing away either. _She's standing her ground,_ Alistair realised_, waiting for you to move first._

"Serena." Alistair breathed, almost a whisper. He couldn't help but feel a huge wave of relief. _She's alive. She's not dead_. It was as though a switch had been flicked and suddenly everything was alright again.

Serena didn't respond, still staring at him. He could see something change in her eyes. The cold was melting, turning from ice to a boiling, churning sea of sapphires. Oh shit, Alistair thought, she may be alive, but I might not be for much longer. Serena was clearly angry. Very angry.

"Alistair." She said, slowly and carefully, as though she believed her very words could strike him down where he stood.

"You know each other?" Benjamin asked, looking between the two of them, confused. Alistair never looked away from Serena and she kept his gaze. He felt unsure of himself. He desperately wanted to reach out and touch her, but he was afraid that she would disappear if he did. Or that she'd give him the same treatment she'd given Benjamin.

"Oh, I know him." Serena said, the spell finally seeming to break. She walked towards him slowly, each word emphasised with another step. "I know that he's a two-faced lowlife and a cold hearted liar."

"Excuse me?" Benjamin asked, looking indignant on the part of his friend. Somewhere in a distant part of his mind, Alistair appreciated this, but for the moment, the only thing he could concentrate on was Serena's hands which were curling into fists at her sides.

"Look, Serena." Alistair said, holding his hands up placatingly. "I'm really not what you think-"

"What are you then?" Serena asked and Alistair could practically feel the anger rolling off her. "Because from what I remember, you were the man - _boy_ - who played with my life like it was a game." The venom in her voice shocked him.

"What happened to you, Serena?" He asked, staring at her. She had always been so light and hopeful, even when others might have crumbled. She still had a strength about her, but it was different somehow. Like comparing the strength of the sunlight to the force of darkness in the night. Both were powerful, but they were not the same. Serena was not the same.

Still, Alistair could not help thinking of her the way he once had. Only three years had passed, but it seemed to be a lifetime ago. The ever-present rosiness of her cheeks remained, but they were marred with scratches and bruises. Her long hair did not hang loose as it once had, but was braided into a thick plait along her head and down her back, resting against her blue leather armour. Her hands, peppered with several small scars, were resting on two long blades strapped to her hips._ My blades,_ Alistair realised with surprise, _she's armed with my blades_._ Why is she armed?_

Realisation slowly dawned on Alistair. Benjamin had gone to fetch the recruit. The female recruit. Oh, Maker, Serena could not be the recruit. She could not join the Grey Wardens, to risk her life day after day. Alistair wouldn't allow it.

"You can't be here." He breathed, almost involuntarily. Serena raised her eyebrows in surprise, her cold mask breaking for a split second.

"I...can't?" She repeated.

"What are you on about, Alistair?" Benjamin asked. Alistair noticed that his friend stood a little too close to Serena's side for his liking. Shoving the thought away, Alistair ploughed on.

"Please, Serena. Not here. Anywhere but here." Alistair implored, looking into her striking sapphire-blue eyes. He could see the anger return to her face again, wiping away all else.

"Still can't stand to be around me, Alistair?" She asked bitterly.

"What? Don't be stupid." Alistair almost laughed at the absurdity of it, forgetting for a moment the way Serena remembered him. He forgot that she wouldn't notice his joke. He forgot that she hated him. The expression on her face reminded him instantly. She lunged towards him before Alistair could even get his hands up in surrender. Stamping hard on top of his foot, Serena sent sharp pain shooting up Alistair's leg, causing him to keel forwards just as Serena brought her knee up. He heard, rather than felt, his head meet it's target with a deep thunk. The blow wasn't so hard as to knock him out, but it did dizzy him for a few moments. As he looked up, the word appeared to move in slow motion.

Jory strode purposefully towards Serena, who was looking at Alistair in shock. It was as though her actions had surprised herself. Alistair wanted to shout at her to look out, but he was too late. Serena looked up just in time to see Jory strike her hard across the face with his shield. The blow landed just above her eye, whipping her head to the side. There was enough force behind it to send Serena tumbling to the ground instantly. Alistair had seen a lesser blow do far more damage and instant anger flared up within him. He imagined that Serena would be angry if she could, but as it was, she could do nothing. The blow had knocked her out cold.

* * *

Serena could hear shouting. It was muffled, as though far away. She tried to open her eyes to see what was going on, but they wouldn't obey. Her arms and legs were similarly unresponsive. Something warm and wet was running down her forehead towards her eyes, but she could do nothing to stop it.

Serena tried to remember what was happening. She'd been walking with Benjamin. They'd been laughing about some terrible joke he'd told. Then, she saw somebody. Somebody...from a long time ago. She tried to remember who, but her head began to hurt.

The shouting grew louder and Serena could just make out what was being said.

"Are you crazy?" Somebody was angry. The voice was familiar, but Serena was sure she'd never heard it raised like that before.

"She attacked you!" A male voice replied, sounding less sure of himself. Serena was certain she didn't recognise this one. "What if she'd gone for one of us?"

"You didn't have to try and kill her." The familiar voice again. _Somebody tried to kill me?_ Serena thought, surprised. _What did I do?_

"Oh, please, I wasn't going I kill her." The stranger scoffed.

"You could have done." Serena recognised this voice. It was Benjamin. He sounded angry too. What in Maker's name had happened? "Is she alright, Al?"

_Al. The familiar stranger is named Al. No, not Al...Alistair. Oh, Maker, I punched Alistair. Well, not punched so much as kicked...in the head._ Serena was overwhelmed with a peculiar mixture of guilt and...pride. She had not crumbled upon seeing him. She had held on to her anger. Good.

"I think so." Alistair replied, his voice gentler. Serena felt a rough hand brushing the warm liquid, which she now realised was blood, from her face. She wanted to slap his hand away, but her own remained paralysed. "There's no way she's coming with us though."

_No, no I have to go, _Serena thought in a moment of stupidity, _I can't be the only one who doesn't go._

"Maybe that's for the best." Benjamin sighed, his voice closer now. "It didn't exactly look like you two were going to get along and you need to get Duncan's supplies if any of them are to pass the Joining." There was a brief pause in which nothing was said. Finally, Benjamin muttered, low so that Serena had to struggle to make out the words. "Who is she, Al?"

"Somebody I knew a long time ago." Alistair sighed. Serena wanted to scoff. Somebody you knew? That's a nice way to put it. "Maker only knows how she ended up here."

"I'm more interested in what you did to her, so I know to avoid it." Benjamin laughed. Serena thought she heard Alistair sigh in exasperation. Suddenly, she felt arms circle around her and lift her from the ground.

"I'll take care if this...situation." Benjamin said and Serena realised that it was he who had scooped her up. The swaying movement made her head feel dizzy and she could feel herself drifting. She wanted to listen a while longer, but the voices were muffled and far away. _Well, this isn't exactly how I'd pictured my day going_, she thought as she drifted into oblivion.

* * *

When Serena awoke again, she found herself back in control of her body. Sadly, it appeared that this also meant that she could very much feel the pain throbbing in her forehead. She sat up slowly, ignoring the sudden rush of dizziness and looked around herself. She was in a tent. Alone. At first she thought that perhaps it was the medical tent in which she'd last seen Duncan, but the absence of any mages or Templars soon disproved that theory.

Serena stood, stretching her muscles. Other than the obvious head injury from that recruit with the shield, she seemed to be fine. Her blue armour was still strapped on tight, but her weapons lay across the room on a small wooden crate. She strode over quickly, picking them up and securing them in their holsters. The bow and her double-edged daggers, which she supposed she'd have to give back now that she'd effectively attacked Alistair.

"You're awake." Serena jumped at the sound of a voice from the opposite end of the tent. She span on the spot, seeing Benjamin entering through a small flap.

"And you're everywhere." She retorted, smiling and then wincing at the pain it caused.

"How's the head?" He asked, remaining where he was. "I did the best I could, but I didn't want to call a mage without a good explanation."

Serena reached up and felt her forehead. Stitches brushed against her fingers, just above her right eyebrow. She ran her fingers along the swollen flesh, courting them slowly. The wound was not too large, no more than three inches across. "You stitched up my head?" Serena asked, bemused.

"And pretty well, too, if I do say so myself." Benjamin replied, puffing up his chest in mock pride. Serena had to stifle a laugh. "Jory gave you a bit of knock."

"I'll say." Serena muttered, remembering the sickening shock as her head had hit the wood. "Where are they?"

"You've only been out for about an hour. They're still out in the Wilds."

"Then there's still time for me to go catch up." Serena said resolutely, moving purposefully towards the tent entrance. Before she could get there, Benjamin moved across her path, arms folded, as he blocked her way.

"Woah there." He said, sternly. "You're not going anywhere."

Anger flared up in Serena. She tried to squash it, knowing that Benjamin was only trying to do the right thing. "If you think there's any way I'm going to stay here whilst all of my fellow recruits are out there, you are very much mistaken, Benjamin." She said, shoving past him.

Serena began jogging as soon as she made her way out of the tent. She recognised where she was within the Warden encampment. Had she been inside Benjamin's tent? Or perhaps Alistair's? Ignoring these thoughts, Serena pushed on. She could remember the way to the wall from here and from there, she could make her way to the gate.

"Serena, you'll never find them." Benjamin caught up to her and began jogging beside her.

"Believe me, I've had a lot of practice at finding people. Even those who don't want to be found." Serena laughed bitterly, remembering her life before all of this happened. Just a few weeks ago, finding elusive people had been her business.

"It's too dangerous and you're hurt." Benjamin continued, not giving up. Serena ignored the pain in her skull that seemed to be agreeing with him and pressed on.

"I can look after myself."

"Serena!"

"Benjamin!" Serena finally stopped, turning to look at him. "I'm going whether you'd like me to or not. Now, you can let me go without a fight or I'll damn well scratch and claw until I get out. Your choice."

Benjamin stood staring at her for a long time. Serena stared back, refusing to be the one to look away first. Finally, he relented. "Alistair is going to kill me."

"No, he's going to kill me." Serena smiled wryly. "I have to do this, Benjamin. If not, then how can I prove that I'm worthy of being a Grey Warden?"

Benjamin sighed, running a hand through his hair. He looked anxious. "Be safe, Serena."

"I'm not sure any of us are safe these days." Serena grimaced, turning and making her way to the wall. Benjamin didn't follow her this time. Serena wasn't sure if she felt relieved or terrified. For all of her talk, she'd never faced a darkspawn before and she wasn't sure she was ready to do it alone. Still, what she'd said was right. She had to prove that this was something she could handle. Both to herself and Duncan. _And Alistair,_ whispered a small, treacherous voice in the back of her head.

Opening the gate was hard work. Serena was glad that the area remained largely deserted as it would have been embarrassing to have an audience. She heaved at the wooden bar which covered the entrance and cursed Alistair for making it look so easy earlier. She cursed Alistair for a lot of things these days.

Finally, she heaved the gate open. It made an almighty noise and Serena moved fast to enter and pull it shut behind her. Surely, people would have heard that. For some reason, she felt as though her leaving the camp was wrong somehow. As though she would be punished if caught. When all was quiet once more, she listened, but heard no approaching footsteps nor the sound of soldiers shouting. Only a breeze running through the trees and wildlife in the undergrowth.

When she was sure that nobody would be following her, Serena looked up at last to take in her surroundings. What she saw almost took her breath away. Serena had never seen such vibrant colours or beautiful patterns. Here, where nature had been allowed to flow free, the Maker demonstrated the true beauty of the world. The only sights which marred the landscape were the dead wolves strewn across the path ahead. As Serena approached, she realised that there was something twisted and wrong about the creatures.

The wolves' fur was matted and torn, as though being eaten away from the inside. Their bones jutted out too far, creating spikes where joints should be. A deep, black liquid oozed from sores along the lengths of their bodies. _This is what the Blight does to the world. It takes the beauty and twists it until it's wretched and broken._

Serena closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. A moment of pity, then focus. She felt the breath flow in, then out taking with it the pain. _Good_, she thought_, now follow he trail of death and destruction. Stick to the shadows and the trees. _There would be no need to face the darkspawn until it was necessary. Absolutely necessary.

* * *

Alistair plunged his sword into a hurlock's back. "Watch yourself, Daveth!" He shouted as the recruit barely dodged an oncoming arrow.

"Don't you worry about me, Warden." Daveth replied, winking at Alistair. In other circumstances, Alistair would have laughed, but he was a little preoccupied with the onslaught of Hurlocks coming there way. I truly detest Hurlocks, Alistair thought dryly. They were not far from the location Duncan had pointed out on the map and neither Daveth nor Jory had sustained any injuries a healing poultice or two would not fix. Still, their journey had taken a long time and Alistair had to remain vigilant.

As the last of he darkspawn were dispatched, Alistair tried not to think about his third recruit. Tried and failed. He had already decided that he would not tell Duncan about the incident. In truth, Alistair believed that Serena probably deserved to get a punch or two in on him. It would be dishonourable to sell her out again.

"Where to next?" Jory asked, looking at Alistair expectantly. Alistair had to crush the urge to punch the red-haired knight every time he spoke.

"Just up there." Alistair said, pointing with his left hand to where he could see the remains of the crumbling tower ahead. He made a conscious effort to uncurl his right hand from the fist it was in at his side.

"Good." Jory nodded, stepping nervously from foot to foot. "I don't like to be here any longer than we have to be."

"The journey may have been quicker if you had not dispatched one of our fellow recruits before we even started." Daveth supplied, smirking at Jory and raising his eyebrows. Jory's cheeks began to turn the same colour as his hair.

"She was a liability. Reckless. We couldn't have her with us." He stuttered. "And you only care because she was a woman."

"I care because she could have helped." Daveth muttered, shaking his head.

"For future reference, Jory." Alistair began, turning to the recruit. "Serena isn't going to attack any Warden but me. If she does, please let me deal with it. "

Jory opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, the sound of movement up ahead distracted them. They all became instantly silent. Alistair and Jory quickly moved ahead, whilst Daveth loaded an arrow into his bow, readying it. Squashing any anger her felt towards the knight, Alistair moved with Jory over the ridge.

There, leaning against a tree trunk, stood a small figure. Her back was turned, but Alistair recognised the long, dark braid which ended at the small of her back.

"Oh, for the love of all that is holy." Alistair cried, half-tempted to throw his sword down in frustration. That blow to the head must have taken the last of her sense with it.

"Something the matter?" Serena asked, nonchalantly as she turned around. Alistair could see the mischief in her eyes, clear as day. "It was so easy to find you, I practically had to take it as an invite."

"You shouldn't be here." Jory piped up from behind Alistair. As much as Alistair wanted to snap at Jory for giving orders, the knight was right. Serena had been unconscious no more than an hour or two ago. Not to mention the fact that Alistair didn't want her anywhere near the Wardens in the first place, but that was another matter entirely.

"Try and stop me." Serena smiled, twirling one of those familiar double-ended daggers with surprising skill. "I promise you, I'll be ready this time."

"Alistair, I really must-" Jory began, but before Alistair could stop him, Daveth jumped in.

"Oh, do shut up Jory." He groaned, giving the knight a firm shove. Alistair nodded at Daveth gratefully, before turning back to Serena. Although Jory had been incredibly irksome, Alistair did have to admit that perhaps he had a point. Serena didn't seem to be the most stable of recruits. As though she read his mind, Serena's expression morphed into one of sincerity.

"Look, Alistair, I shouldn't have...acted the way I did." She sighed and Alistair could see the words were a great effort. Sorry wasn't Serena's strong suit. "But seeing you was a shock and not the good kind. I can't pretend I'm happy about it, but if working with you is the way to prove I can be a Grey Warden, then Maker help anyone who tries to stop me. Recruits with big shields included." Serena raised her eyebrows pointedly at Jory, who looked away guiltily.

Alistair ran his hand through his hair, assessing. Perhaps Serena could be of use to them. It wasn't far to the documents either. He didn't like it, but what else could he do? She had come this far without help and Alistair wasn't about to send her back through the Wilds alone again.

"Fine." He conceded, shaking his head. He would kill Benjamin for this. "Just don't do anything stupid."

Serena narrowed her eyes at Alistair. "I wouldn't dream of it."

* * *

Serena had been sharing stories with the newly acquainted Daveth when she caught sight of her first darkspawn. She was not ashamed to admit it; she was terrified. They appeared out of nowhere, rushing from the bushes and falling from trees. There must have been no less than ten of them. She'd seen drawings of these creatures before and she'd heard the stories, but nothing had prepared her.

Alistair rushed forward, shield and sword held high. Jory followed soon after, whilst Daveth kept his distance, loading his bow swiftly. On instinct, Serena's hands flew to her daggers, but she couldn't bring herself to move otherwise. She could feel the fear bubbling up, threatening to overwhelm her. Just a few weeks ago, she'd considered letting herself die along with her family. Now she couldn't believe how badly she wanted to live. _Oh, Maker, don't let me die._

Serena's eyes widened as a great, tall creature spotted her. It was large and muscled, sporting a sword in each hand. Thick blood oozed from roughly-carved markings covering what flesh Serena could see. Hard, spiked armour protected it and Serena's own leathers suddenly felt inadequate.

There was a split second in which nothing happened and, in it, Serena could feel something. That instinct soldiers talk about. Fight or flight. Would she run and make all her talk of strength worthless? Or would she stand her ground? In truth, Serena barely had to think about it. There would be no life worth less to her than that of a coward. The grip on her daggers tightened.

The creature suddenly came barreling towards her and Serena _didn't hesitate. This...thing is bigger than I am and stronger too, _she thought_, but he's slower. _Serena broke into a run of her own. The two drew closer and closer together, until they were mere feet apart. The darkspawn raised his swords to strike. At the last possible moment, Serena dropped to the ground, missing the deadly blades by a hair. Too close, probably. Using a manoeuvre she'd once perfected long ago, she swung her leg out, knocking the creature to the ground. Before it could register what had happened, Serena plunged both of her blades into its chest.

It should have been a glorious moment. Her first darkspawn kill. Serena felt elated. Unfortunately, she was rudely interrupted by an arrow whizzing towards her head. She had no time to move out of the way, seeing it only at the last minute. Fortunately, it was her second near miss in as many minutes. The arrow grazed her cheek, probably leaving a nasty scratch in it's wake, but doing no more damage than that. Serena looked up to see a much smaller darkspawn with a short-bow, taking aim once more.

Jumping out of the way this time, Serena ensured that the arrow flew far wide of it's target. She waited for the fear to come again as she prepared to face another foe, but found that it did not. Her mind was clear as she took aim with one of her daggers and launched it through the air, sending it straight into her attacker's chest. Smiling with satisfaction, Serena chased after the blade, leaning down to retrieve it from the creature's body.

As she pulled her weapon free, a sudden force sent her toppling forwards. She felt to her knees, the wind knocked out of her. She rolled over quickly to face another of the larger creatures, covered with even more markings than the one before. Up close, Serena could see the decaying flesh and the elongated teeth on the thing as it growled at her. It looked larger than the first, and it's armour appeared more elaborate. It also sported a huge, blood crusted war-hammer.

Serena had little time to make sense of what she was seeing, however, as it raised both the hammer high, poised to strike. With no time to scramble to her feet, Serena simply had to roll to the side as the hammer came crashing down, striking the ground where her torso had been mere moments before.

"Serena!" She heard a shout from behind her, but ignored it. She had to focus. With the creature momentarily distracted as it retrieved it's weapon, Serena took the opportunity to jump up from her position on the ground. The darkspawn was still wrestling with it's weapon, bent over towards he ground. It looked up just in time to see Serena raising her own blades at him. Using all the force she had, and thanking her lucky stars that she'd had the foresight to sharpen her daggers well, she brought them down hard on the creature's neck, disconnecting the head from it's body.

Viscous liquid poured forth, coating Serena's hands. Panting heavily, she looked up, taking in the scene. It seemed that the last of the darkspawn had died with Serena's beheaded friend. Jory was wiping off his sword, looking more than a little shaken, whilst Daveth was retrieving what arrows he could from bodies. Alistair, on the other hand, ran straight for Serena.

"I said don't do anything stupid!" He practically yelled as he reached her. Dropping his sword and shield to the ground, he placed his hands on her shoulders, looking over her as though checking for marks.

"I've thrown my dagger in fights before." Serena protested, trying to shrug off his hands. She assumed he was complaining about her lobbing her blade at that archer. "There's nothing stupid about it as long as you've got another left to fight with."

"Not that." Alistair's expression surprised Serena. He looked genuinely worried. _Only because he'll be in_ _deep trouble if his recruits die_, she reminded herself. "You never take on an Alpha alone. Never, Serena."

Serena raised her eyebrows. She knew about the different classes of darkspawn, obviously, every child in Ferelden did. That didn't mean she could identify one if she saw one. "That was an Alpha?" She asked, sceptically.

"Yes!" Alistair groaned, exasperated. "I'd say it's only by the grace of the Maker that you're still alive. Haven't you ever seen one before?"

"Well...no." Serena said, shrugging her shoulders. "I've never seen any darkspawn before."

It was Daveth's turn to be surprised now. "Never?" He asked, walking over to join the conversation.

Serena rolled her eyes. It wasn't exactly like this was the kind of experience one forgot. "No, Daveth, never."

"Well, aren't you full of surprises." He laughed, smirking slightly.

"Daveth! This is no laughing matter." Alistair scolded. "Serena needs to understand that an Alpha mustn't be engaged alone."

"Serena is right here and I do understand." Serena chipped in, folding her arms across her chest, a little annoyed at being treated like a child. "You can explain to me the various ins and outs of the darkspawn when we're back in camp, but for now let's just stick with the classic kill unless told otherwise rule, shall we?"

Daveth smirked again and Alistair's scowl deepened, but he nodded his consent. Jory finally came up to join them, looking a little pale but otherwise well.

"Should we move on?" He asked, looking pointedly at Alistair.

"Yes, I suppose we should." Alistair sighed, picking up his sword and shield from where he left them at Serena's feet. Serena holstered her own weapons, but kept her hands resting on the soft leather grip. Her guard remained firmly raised.

* * *

As they approached the ruins, Alistair hesitated. He could sense no darkspawn nearby, but there was...something. A presence. Something else.

"Something the matter?" Serena asked from beside him. He looked down at her and noted the cool expression. She may not be acting openly hostile towards him, but there was certainly no warmth there.

"Nothing." He smiled, shaking his head. Serena furrowed her eyebrows, but didn't protest. As they entered the ruined fortress, Alistair found himself doubting the power of the protective charms placed on the documents. They were so precious. Without them, the Grey Wardens stood alone. Whoever thought it was a good idea to leave them out here in the Korcari Wilds needed flogging in Alistair's opinion.

They approached the chest slowly. It was intact, but time and nature had taken it's toll. Vines grew around it, and deep scratches and scuffs marred it's surface. Still, it appeared to have been untouched by human hands. Alistair bent down beside the box, reaching out to open it.

"Alistair." Serena hissed, halting him. "There's somebody watching us."

Alistairs's head whipped up in panic as he searched his surroundings. The last thing they needed was another attack now. Try as he might, however, he saw nothing.

"I don't see anyone." Jory scoffed, looking at Serena as though she were mad.

"I don't think she wants to be seen." She replied, ignoring the obvious jibe, much to Alistair's surprise.

"We should leave. Quickly." Daveth agreed. Alistair raised his eyebrows. Daveth wasn't normally one to back down from a challenge. From the look he shared with Serena, she agreed.

"Right then." Alistair nodded, kneeling down beside the chest once more. If both Daveth and Serena felt that they should move on, Alistair wasn't about to protest. Taking the key from around his neck, he slotted it into the small lock and twisted. He could practically feel the enchantments breaking as the box popped open. Lifting the creaking lid, all four of them leaned over to pear inside. As they did, they breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"They all seem to be here." Alistair practically beamed upon seeing the documents safe inside their chest. He had half-expected someone to have made off with them years ago, leaving the Wardens with nothing. He picked up the scrolls carefully, depositing each into his satchel.

"This seems far too easy." Serena murmured, almost to herself.

"Don't doubt a good thing, that's what my mother always said." Jory piped up, returning to his nervous shuffling. "We have what we came for, now we should leave."

Alistair looked between his recruits. Serena appeared unconvinced and Daveth looked similarly unsure, but what more could they do? They had retrieved the documents and their vials of darkspawn blood were full. It was time to return to camp.

"There's no good to be done hanging around here." Alistair smiled, trying to bolster the recruits spirits. "We'll head back."

All three of them nodded with varying degrees of enthusiasm. As they left the ruins, Alistair looked back one last time. Whether it was his imagination or not, he couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw the figure of a woman deep in the shadows. She was there for only a moment, then gone. Alistair blinked a few times and shook himself. Don't let your mind play tricks on you, he told himself, there's been quite enough madness for one day.


	8. Alone

**Just a short one for now as I want to fit certain things all into one chapter! **

**-Katsa**

* * *

Eight. Alone

"You have retrieved all that I required?" Duncan asked, looking expectantly at Alistair. They were gathered before a large fire pit, which Serena assumed was set alight each night to provide warmth. She stood with Jory and Daveth as Alistair moved forward, removing his pack. He retrieved the documents and three vials of thick, black liquid. Darkspawn blood. Serena looked at it with disgust.

"Good. You have done well." Duncan smiled warmly, looking at Alistair. Serena couldn't help but notice the slight look of pride on Alistair's face as he nodded in acknowledgement. Clearly, Alistair valued Duncan's opinion very highly.

Duncan turned, addressing Serena and her fellow recruits as well this time. "You have_ all _done well."

Serena couldn't help but feel that if Duncan knew all that had happened on the way to retrieving these items, he wouldn't believe they'd done quite so well. Still, she smiled gratefully at him and kept her mouth shut. If Duncan found out about the...incident, well, it wouldn't be from her.

"It will take some time to prepare. We can commence the Joining at sundown." Duncan spoke clearly, looking at each of them in turn as if to convey the importance of these words. As his eyes met Serena's, there was no doubt in her mind. The Joining was something one could not come back from.

"Is it dangerous?" Jory asked. Both Serena and Daveth turned to look at him. Their fellow recruit was quite obviously pale. It was only then that Serena wondered if Jory was here by choice, or if the Right of Conscription had been invoked. He had never looked comfortable like Daveth had.

"All things hold in them an element of danger." Duncan replied noncommittally. "The Joining will be what it will be."

Serena sighed, knowing what that meant. If Duncan wouldn't give a straight answer, then yes, the Joining would indeed be dangerous. Most likely, vey dangerous. Jory frowned, clearly coming to the same conclusion.

As Duncan turned to leave, Serena suddenly remembered his promise. She had returned from the Wilds, fulfilling her end of the bargain and now Duncan had to fulfil his: the news of Fergus. His keeping it from her earlier made her nervous and she was anxious to find out what the Warden Commander knew.

"Duncan." She blurted, impulsively. At the sound of his name, he turned to her questioningly. Serena hurried to get out the rest of her words before she lost her nerve. "I have to know, please, what happened to my...friend?"

Duncan looked at her a moment, deliberating. Serena could see Alistair out of the corner of her eye. He looked curious. She ignored him, focusing all her attention on Duncan. Finally, he sighed, his expression grim. "He is missing, Serena." He said, simply.

"Missing?" She asked, her mouth dry.

"A little over a week ago, he left on a scouting mission. He has not returned." Duncan's words cut Serena's heart like knives. Going missing for a week at the best of times was not a good sign, but with the threat of a darkspawn horde, it was practically a death sentence.

"So, he is dead then?" She was surprised by how even her voice sounded, despite the lump in her throat.

"I cannot be sure that-" Duncan began, but Serena cut him off.

"He is most likely dead." She amended, feeling a new weight settle on her shoulders as another lifted. At least Fergus would not have to know about his family. He wouldn't have to feel this pain. That was a small mercy. "Thank you for being honest with me, Duncan."

Serena turned and walked away. She could hear Duncan continue talking to Daveth and Jory, but she didn't stop. If her father had been there, he would have scolded her for being so rude. Since he wasn't, however, Serena didn't care.

* * *

Alistair watched Serena disappear into the crowds milling around the camp. It didn't take him long to work out that Serena's 'friend' was in fact her brother. Having heard that Fergus Cousland had arrived in Ostagar only two weeks ago, it was not a huge step to make the connection. So, Serena's brother was gone. If Duncan's account of the attack of Highever was correct, then this meant that she was truly alone in the world. The last of the Cousland's. Alistair could understand well how it felt to be so alone.

"Alistair." Duncan's voice brought Alistair back to the present. He realised that Jory and Daveth were gone.

"Yes, Duncan?" Alistair asked, straightening up.

"Serena has lost much these past weeks. Perhaps you should go make sure that she doesn't get lost." Duncan sighed, smiling a grim, humourless smile. Alistair frowned and opened his mouth to explain that he didn't think that was the best idea, but Duncan continued before he could. "Sometimes, even the company of a stranger is better than being alone."

With that, he patted Alistair's shoulder once and walked away. It was an unusual gesture for Duncan. Perhaps he cared more about Serena's welfare than Alistair had previously believed. Duncan didn't know, however, that Alistair wasn't a stranger. He didn't know that Serena Cousland hated him. Still, Ostagar was immense and, as much as Alistair would rather avoid another beating, Serena really could get lost in a place like this.

Making up his mind, Alistair set off after Serena. He had last seen her head west. If she was at all the girl she used to be, then the stables would be Alistair's best bet. People could get on Serena's nerves, but she had always felt an attachment to horses. At least, as long as Alistair knew her.

The sky was beginning to grow dark as Alistair picked up his pace. The sun would set in a few hours. Then, the Joining would begin. As he arrived at the stables, he noticed that the place was deserted. With barely a day before the planned battle, Alistair supposed that tending to the horses was the last thing on people's mind. Nobody would dare ride them into battle, not with horses being so susceptible to the taint.

Alistair entered the stables cautiously, looking around. He could see nobody. He checked each stall, but found nothing except a few sleeping horses. Perhaps he had been wrong about Serena. Perhaps she had changed more than he thought. Alistair turned and walked out of the small shelter, feeling slightly lost. Just as he was about to leave to search elsewhere, the smallest of movements caught his eye.

Turning, Alistair saw a small figure standing about twenty feet away. She was leaning against a large, white horse, staring at the setting sun. Alistair sighed in relief, before mentally bracing himself. If the day's earlier encounter was anything to go by, Serena may well be volatile. Taking a deep breath to steel himself, he approached slowly.

"Serena?" He asked quietly, when he was close. She made no move, so Alistair reached out a hand tentatively to place it on her shoulder. "Serena, it's Alistair."

"I know it's you." Serena sighed, turning at last to face him. Alistair was surprised to see that there was no anger in her expression. No coldness. She just looked...lost.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked, trying to be polite. He didn't want to go.

Serena stared at him for a moment and Alistair saw tears building in her deep blue eyes. "No, I don't think I do." She whispered, her voice breaking on the last word. Her head fell forwards, landing against Alistair's chest as tears began to roll down her cheeks. Alistair was taken aback, unsure what he was supposed to do. He settled for rubbing her back awkwardly, still not sure she wouldn't hit him away.

"The Maker doesn't give us more than we can handle." He said gently, reciting one of the Revered Mother's favourite sayings.

Serena laughed dryly, raising her head and wiping some of her tears away. "Then I think he overestimated my strength."

"You're wrong." The words were out before Alistair even had a chance to stop them. The conviction in his voice was unexpected, even to him. Serena blinked several times, looking slightly shocked.

"You're different, you know that?" She smiled slightly at Alistair, surprising him. She must have been in a lot of pain to forget her anger so completely. "You're much bolder than I remember you." Alistair didn't know what to say. He was still rather confused by her civility.

"Of course, I'm different too, aren't I?" She sighed, turning to stroke her hand gently down the horse's neck. "It seems I'm always either sad or angry these days. And I'm so alone. I don't think I want to be anymore."

Serena was clearly in a strange mood. Or perhaps Alistair was just seeing her with her guard down for the first time since he'd seen her. He couldn't tell. "Is that why you want to be a Grey Warden?" He asked, watching her as she reached up to fiddle with the white hair of the horse's mane. "So you won't be alone."

Serena looked up, meeting his eyes in surprise, as though she hadn't even realised it herself. "Maybe it is." She whispered, her brows furrowing slightly. "I like think it's more than that, though. I think maybe I don't want to let this, all of this, defeat me. The world is pushing me down and this is my way of getting back up."

Alistair said nothing. What could he say? Serena's words made him so deeply sad and yet proud at the same time. She was wrong. She hadn't changed as much as she believed. If Serena was willing to piece together her broken life and make something of herself, then she was just as strong as she had ever been.

They stood in silence, but it was not an uncomfortable one. Together, they watched the sun move slowly down towards to horizon, bringing Serena's Joining ever closer. The sky turned from yellow to orange to red, until barely a sliver of sun remained to light them. All the while, Serena leaned against the white horse which stood dutifully still.

"I don't hate you, you know." Serena said at last, nearly making Alistair jump.

"You don't?" He asked, raising on eyebrow a sceptically.

Serena shook her head, smiling another rare smile. "I won't pretend that I'm not angry, Alistair, because trust me I am, but my life seems so uncertain right now and I wanted you to know. Just in case. I have never hated you."

Alistair wasn't sure what to feel. Serena was once his best, and perhaps only, friend. She was also the girl he'd loved since he was nineteen. Yet, she didn't trust him. Maybe she never would. Still, Alistair took what he could get. She didn't hate him. That was a good place to start.

As the last rays of suns disappeared behind the horizon, Serena closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Time to face my future." She smirked, opening her eyes. For the first time since he'd seen her, Alistair thought he saw a glimmer of hope deep within her eyes. She turned and began leading the horse back towards the stables. Alistair sensed that this was his queue to leave.

As he began to walk away, Serena's voice stopped him. "Alistair." She called.

He turned on the spot. "Yes?"

"Thank you." Serena nodded gratefully, before turning and walking away once more. Alistair wasn't sure what he was being thanked for, but he smiled all the same.

* * *

"Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day we shall join you."

Serena stared at the silver chalice in Duncan's hands as Alistair spoke. It was inlaid with a few stones and gentle, curving script was carved into its sides. Serena wondered if these were the words Alistair spoke. It was such a beautiful chalice, yet it contained the very thing the world feared: the darkspawn taint itself. And Serena was going to drink it. _Maker help me_.

"Step forth, Daveth." Duncan began in his deep, powerful voice. This was it. Serena was past the point of no return. Her fellow recruit stepped forward, his expression set firm. His shoulders were back and he stood tall, but Serena could see his hands shake as he reached for the cup. Taking it in both his hands, he hesitated for only a moment before he brought it to his lips and drank.

Nothing happened. Duncan took the chalice from Daveth's hands and the moment stretched on as all of them waited in anticipation. Just as Daveth's face began to break into a smile, Serena saw it. A small trail of blood began to run down his cheek from his eye, like a scarlet tear. Daveth touched it gently, pulling back to look at his fingers in horror. His eyes met Duncan's for only a heartbeat before he keeled forward, screaming in pain.

Blood began to rush from his eyes and nose and mouth like some grotesque water feature. Dark, bruised patches bloomed across his skin, as though some invisible force was beating him from the inside. Daveth fell to the ground, writhing and screaming incoherently in a pool of his own blood. Serena tried to take a step forward to help him, but Duncan held up a hand, stopping her. It couldn't have been more than a few seconds, but it felt like an age. Finally, Daveth's screams stopped. His writhing turned to twitches and his twitches to nothing.

"I am sorry, Daveth." Duncan sighed as though this were a heavy burden on him. Serena believed that he truly was sorry. All three of them stood staring at the bloody body before them for a moment. Finally, Duncan broke the silence. "Step forward, Jory." Duncan said, holding out the chalice once more.

Jory made no move. He stood frozen still, staring at Daveth. Duncan repeated his words, "Step forward, Jory."

"I can't." Jory whispered, his gaze unmoving. "Please, you must understand."

"You cannot go back, Jory." Duncan explained, waiting patiently with the cup.

"Please...please!" Jory was beginning to beg now, over and over. Finally, he looked up, removing his sword in desperation. "I have a wife. Please, I have a wife!" Serena took a step back. She wasn't sure what happened when one refused the Joining.

Duncan placed the cup down on a stone dais beside him, retrieving a small dagger from his belt. "You cannot go back." He repeated, before whipping his hand, sending the dagger flying straight into Jory's heart. Serena could barely contain a yelp of shock as the dagger hit its target with a deep thud. She couldn't believe how quickly it had happened. One moment, Jory was there, the next, he collapsed to the floor in a heap. Serena couldn't think straight._ Duncan's aim is far better than mine_, was all she could manage in her dazed state.

"I'm sorry, Jory." Duncan sighed as he removed the small blade from the former recruits chest. Serena turned to look at Alistair. He gave her one small nod of encouragement.

"Step forward, Serena." Duncan said, replacing the dagger in his waistband and retrieving the chalice._ I'm certainly not planning on going to other way_, she thought wryly as she stared at Jory. Taking the cup in both her hands, she gasped at the coldness. It was like holding onto ice. Unable to resist, Serena peaked over the lip, glancing at the liquid inside. She quickly wished that she hadn't. It was a disgusting thing to behold.

Clearing her mind, Serena brought the cup to her lips, choosing to look up towards the night sky. If it was to be the last thing she saw, Serena could not have chosen a better view than the stars watching overhead. _Now or never_, she told herself, tipping the cup back and taking one large gulp.

Considering the iciness of the chalice, Serena was shocked at the heat she felt. It was like the warm milk she used to drink when she was young, provided that milk was rancid and tasted of death. Duncan took the chalice back and Serena was glad he did because as the liquid hit her stomach, it didn't feel so much warm anymore as hot. Yes, it was hot and getting hotter, spreading from her stomach along her limbs and to her fingers and toes.

Serena wrapped her arms around herself, looking between Alistair and Duncan nervously. The feeling grew from something uncomfortable to something practically unbearable. Oh, Maker, the pain! It was like a fire now inside her. Hotter and hotter and hotter. It would surely burn her from the inside out, setting her alight until there was nothing left. Serena opened her mouth to scream, falling to her knees as darkness began to eat at the edges of her vision. She thought she felt somebody catch her, breaking the fall, but she couldn't be sure. She couldn't even see anymore, just feel the incredible, unrelenting pain.

Then she saw it, for only a second. The very thing whose fire she felt inside her. It was huge, towering over everything around it. Long, curved teeth as tall as Serena herself jutted from it's mouth, dripping with thick, red liquid. And the eyes. Serena was sure that as long as she lived, she would never forget the piercing black eyes that bore into her very soul. She wanted to turn away and run towards it all at once.

Then, it was gone and the fire with it. The sense of relief was so profound that every muscle in Serena's body went limp. Something soft stopped her head from smacking into the hard stone below, preventing yet another head injury. Serena wasn't sure if that was the end of the Joining, but she prayed to the Maker that there was no more. She didn't think she could take it.

"Is that it?" She mumbled, opening her eyes. Duncan chuckled lightly, as Alistair helped her to sit up. For some reason, the aid annoyed her, although she wasn't sure why. Perhaps her earlier good feelings towards him were ebbing. Perhaps she didn't like the fact that she enjoyed being this close to him.

"Yes, Serena, that is it." Duncan smiled as Alistair released her slowly, making sure she didn't fall back again. Serena felt slightly dizzy, but otherwise fine. More than fine, in fact. She felt perfect. How surprising.

"Are you alright?" Alistair asked, his expression a mixture of humour and concern. "No maddeningly unbearable pain or cannibalistic urges?"

Serena laughed, shaking her head and getting to her feet. "No, I feel...I feel good." Both Duncan and Alistair looked slightly relieved. Serena's smile dropped slightly. "Wait, cannibalism was a possibility?"

Duncan and Alistair shared a look and Serena raised her eyebrows in surprise. Perhaps her fellow recruits' fates were not the worst possible outcome of the Joining. Her smile fell instantly as she looked upon the bodies of Jory and Daveth. She had not known Daveth well and there was little love between she and Jory, but neither had deserved their fates. It sometimes made Serena feel like the Angel of Death. Everyone around her died as she stumbled on through life.

"They'll be remembered." Alistair said solemnly. Serena looked up, meeting his gaze. It was as though he'd known what she was thinking. She scowled and looked away. She didn't like the idea of somebody in her head, especially not Alistair.

"Their sacrifice will not be forgotten." Duncan agreed, nodding. He reached out to, Serena assumed, shake her hand, but he grasped her forearm instead, surprising her. Following his lead, she did the same. "And neither will yours, Serena. I welcome you to the Grey Wardens."


End file.
